Assigned seating for wedding guests - some refuse to RSVP
My first act as the loving wife-to-be was to have our wedding in our hometown, rather than in Mexico with a just few family and friends.
My fiance has a very big family, over 30 aunts and uncles alone. The problem is that his family has a history of not RSVPing, no matter how much you try to track them down and get an answer, and also showing up with uninvited guests. My future SIL's wedding had a LOT of uninvited people or people who didn't RSVP who showed up. So, the question is, should we assign seating?
My fiance and I don't like the idea of telling people where to sit, mostly because I dislike it when I have to sit at a table and can't keep the company of people I'd like to catch up with. His family doesn't traditionally do this, either, it's more of a free-for-all. Then again, it's only dinner, a fairly formal dinner at that, and my mom brought up the point that the people who are polite enough to RSVP deserve to have a seat. BUT, those who didn't RSVP will feel awkward when they don't have a seat, but if they didn't RSVP, should we worry about that? Could we have a couple of extra tables without names, and just hope that it's enough to accomodate them?
Maybe they'll learn to RSVP?!? (kidding)
Signed,
Why can't they just RSVP
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Apr 16, 2007, 9:12 AM)
expertplanner
BRIDAL CONSULTANT
Post #2 of 6
(1425 views)
Re: [aprile_dawn] Assigned seating for wedding guests - some refuse to RSVP
[In reply to]
In this situation, I do not believe assigned seating will fix what looks to be something that is uniquely cultural.
From what you have described here, it does seem the main way to handle this is to attempt to be prepared for the extra guests by guaranteeing a slightly higher head count above your final R.S.V.P., for example, maybe 10% - 15% or so. You should also make the caterer aware of your unique situation and inquire whether if all these people don't come, you might receive a refund on any unused plates. Sometimes, caterers will do this for you, if you ask.
aprile_dawn
Post #3 of 6
(1423 views)
Re: [expertplanner] Assigned seating for wedding guests - some refuse to RSVP
[In reply to]
Okay...I guess that's all we can do.
It just really makes me mad that my parents (who have graciously offered to pay for this wedding) might be paying 10-15% more for possibly wasted food b/c people are too inconsiderate to RSVP. And from what I've heard from other weddings in his family 10-15% may not even be enough. Do we setup seating for 200 when only 150 might show? It causes SO many problems--extra rentals, centerpieces, etc. that could just be a waste of money.
My other concern is that our venue only holds so many due to fire code. I *think* we have some room to spare but not for 50 extra or something crazy like that. The venue is already booked, before we knew about this issue. My fiance didn't think about how it could cause fire code problems, and the concept of not RSVPing is so foreign to my mother and me, that we didn't think to ask, either.
This is why I wanted to get married in Mexico or Belize...less of a headache!
(This post was
edited by aprile_dawn on Apr 16, 2007, 10:31 AM)
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Post #4 of 6
(1420 views)
Re: [aprile_dawn] Assigned seating for wedding guests - some refuse to RSVP
[In reply to]
In this case you should only invite the number of guests your facility can allow. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
aprile_dawn
Post #5 of 6
(1417 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] Assigned seating for wedding guests - some refuse to RSVP
[In reply to]
That is certainly what we plan to do, but if everyone brings in-laws, third cousins, etc., it could go above and beyond. And I'm not exaggerating in the least. Two weeks ago we planned to host my future in laws, who showed up with in laws of in laws, 4 extra people who showed up unannounced and uninvited, to stay in our home. We live in a small 3/2 right now, and had 10 people stay with us. THAT is the craziness I'm talking about.
(This post was
edited by aprile_dawn on Apr 16, 2007, 10:37 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Post #6 of 6
(1411 views)
Re: [aprile_dawn] Assigned seating for wedding guests - some refuse to RSVP
[In reply to]
Dear Why can't they just RSVP,
With everything you have stated, it may be best for your fiance to speak to his parents about this. It is about time they are introduced to the RSVP and what it means to be a good guest.
His parents will need to contact the family members to inform them of the limited space and fire code concerns. Perhaps they can get some sort of group together to make everyone understand.
Assigned seating for wedding guests - some refuse to RSVP
