Help! I am marrying my high school sweetheart in five weeks. His mother is throwing an after-party in her hotel room and she is making a big deal about it (although, I think no one from my family is invited). My fiance thinks it would be wrong if we didn't attend the after party to see relatives who are traveling a long way to see us. Also, he thinks we should meet everyone the next morning for brunch. It seems weird to me to not spend quality time together on our wedding night! While I want to visit with family, I don't think I should feel bad about wanting to be alone on our wedding night. Sure, we've been living together for years, but it's still a special night. Besides, we will see family at the rehearsal dinner and wedding reception and brunch. Do we really need to go to the after party? We already argued about this for an hour without coming to any conclusions. Should I get over it, go to the party and sacrifice alone time on our wedding night? It's possible that we make an appearance and then bail, but what if it goes all night and we don't get any time alone together? Please help me put this in perspective!
Of course you know there is not right or wrong answer with regard to whether or not you should attend this "after party". But, it sounds like you have some very strong feelings which should be communicated to your fiance. Discuss this as a couple and come to a mutually satisfying conclusion. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
I completely agree. You two will be a team for (hopefully) the rest of your lives. So, now is a perfect time to begin.
There is a compromise. As you say, you could just make an appearance and leave. You could make a promise to yourselves that each of you will remind each other that after a certain amount of time passes (predetermined), you will make the announcement that the happy couple must now leave the building. My husband and I do this often and it works for us. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
I agree. There has to be a point of compromise here. If the wedding night is a priority for you and you're willing to concede to the brunch, you can say to your fiance that in your perfect world you would have him all to yourself the night of and the next day afterward. However, you are certainly willing to meet him half way, and attend the brunch if you can simply make a short stop at the after party the night of your wedding. Like already suggested, decide on an amount of time that is acceptable, perhaps even a half an hour to an hour and then make your gracious exit. By showing him that he is your priority and that you are willing to give up some alone time for the brunch and even a little bit of time in the evening for his family, you put the focus on your love for him not on how this is a win or lose situation. This should make him more amenable to your wishes and he should also be able to see what you're willing to give up for him and that you're also willing to be more than reasonable and fair.
Best of Luck! Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
Wedding after-party?
