Help! My son recently got engaged and we already have an argument about the wedding reception. Both my son and his finace would like to have a church wedding with only family and then a dinner with only family afterwards. Because we have large families, this will amount to about 75 people at the wedding and dinner immediately following. This is fine with me. My question is: is it OK to invite others to the wedding and then a "reception" with appetizers, drinks and dancing starting approximately 7:30 p.m. I would prefer (and I think it only appropriate), to not invite others to the wedding ceremony itself if they are not invited to the dinner. My future daughter-in-law thinks that this is perfectly acceptable - you just put different RSVP's to the appropriate person. This dinner and reception will be held at a very nice place and the appetizers will be first class. Both my son and his fiance are in their mid 20's so most of their friends only care about the drinking and dancing anyway and probably don't care about the wedding ceremony itself. I just need to know who is right (or perhaps both of us are.) Possibly we can do it either way and it would be OK.
So my question is -- is it OK to have a separate dinner for just family and then invite more people to the "reception?" If this is OK, should those invited to the reception only also be invited to the wedding ceremony or should they receive a separate totally different invitation.
Thank you.
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jul 10, 2005, 7:58 PM)
Just to clarify: You want to have a wedding ceremony (inviting all guests), then a dinner immediately following inviting only family members and then have a reception after this dinner later in the evening inviting evenryone you invited to the ceremony? Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Yes, this is what my future daughter-in-law thinks is OK.
I think only family should be invited to the wedding and dinner and a separate invitation sent to others inviting them to the reception. She thinks it's OK to invite everyone to the wedding and just some to the dinner and others to the reception. Hope this makes sense.
Honestly, I've never heard of anyone having a dinner for family immediately following the wedding ceremony and then a reception after the dinner. If what you're trying to do is to have some intimate time with the family you can have that at the rehearsal dinner or just hold an intimate reception for the closest family and friends. Traditionally you would have a wedding ceremony and then a reception to follow.
Perhaps some of the other experts have heard of doing this your way. Let's see what the other ladies have to say. Rebecca, Nancy, Rhonda...your opinions please? Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
It is never appropriate to invite some to a dinner reception and some only to the appetizer/dancing reception. This is like saying that one set of guests are more important than other guests. If the dinner was a small affair that would be different. However, many at the second reception (yes, these are both receptions) will know that they were only invited to the second reception. I know this because many email me to tell me how it made them feel.
Also, it is never polite to invite guests to a wedding and not the reception. Since you want to have two receptions, your guests should be invited to both. You may invite guests to just the reception and not the wedding though. Many couples choose to have a small wedding with family and a larger reception with everyone they know.
So, it seems that if all of you want to be fair and polite to your guests, the cocktail reception would be your best bet for all of your guests and skip the dinner.
Thank you. That is what I thought. Just clarifying this for my future daughter-in-law. I did not think it was appropriate to invite all to the wedding and then have two different receptions. Like you said, this would essentially be that -- two different receptions. Again, thanks for the advice. I will send your note on to my son and his fiance.
Wedding planning etiquette
