My father passed away a few years ago and I want to have a candle & a few photographs at the reception. Everything that I have read says that it's better to do it at the ceremony, since the ceremony is more somber and the reception is more about fun, BUT here is my issue...
I"m getting marrried in a Catholic Church (I am not Catholic). My father was raised Catholic and had a falling out with the religion when he was 16. He was actually considering entering the priesthood. He never returned to the church (I was not raised Catholic because of this). Honoring him at the ceremony is not an option, because I will have a lot of relatives that this will offend. They are already questioning why I"m getting married there (It's my fi's church and his family lives across the street)
Is it completely tasteless to set up the candle & pictures at the reception?
Also, is there a way to word the card that I plan to put out so that it is not too much of a tear jerker, but still honors his memory? The pictures that I have selected are all fun, happy pictures (one of them is him getting dunked in a dunk tank) I know it will still stir up some memories, but I think that it will help me & my mom get through the day easier than not doing anything at all. Help!
Ccola
Fr. Anderson
EPISCOPAL PRIEST
Sep 21, 2007, 10:09 AM
Post #2 of 5
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Re: [ccola] memorial candle at reception?
[In reply to]
First and foremost, remember that your wedding is a reflection of what you would like and feel comfortable with. While you are making great effort to be considerate of your relatives, those same relatives may judge and talk about your decisions no matter what you decide.
I believe that a tasteful group of photos and a small candle set up at your reception is the perfect remembrance for your father. Sometimes the less said on the card, the better. Everyone knows that you will be thinking of your father and a lengthy tribute is probably unnecessary. Perhaps an appropriate heartfelt sentence or two - discussed with your fiance and your mom - will express your wishes perfectly.
Be sure to include your fiance in all your decisions concerning your wedding - he will, hopefully, be there to support you should anyone question your tribute. Father Anderson, Episcopal Priest http://www.fatheranderson.com
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edited by TWQadmin on Sep 21, 2007, 10:27 AM)
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Sep 21, 2007, 12:14 PM
Post #3 of 5
(911 views)
Re: [ccola] memorial candle at reception?
[In reply to]
I'm sorry, but I must respectfully disagree. Displaying pictures and a candle at the reception puts an emphasis on his passing and not on what the party is supposed to be about. It is much better to honor him in your programs and on your invitation. On your invitation, it could read: also the daughter of the late Mr. John Smith.
But, there are no etiquette police around to arrest you if you must do this. It just may make some of your guests uncomfortable. And, when we host receptions we are hosts and should focus on our guests comfort.
I completely agree about all of this being a decision both of you should make. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Sep 21, 2007, 12:23 PM
Post #4 of 5
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Re: [ccola] memorial candle at reception?
[In reply to]
I agree with Rebecca. The wedding reception is a time to celebrate. Having memorials laid out in this fashion is, well, a downer. The sentimental stuff should be kept to the ceremony site.
The memorial candle lighting is a touching tribute and I cannot see how, or why, any of your family members would have issue with it. But, you know them best. Do what's right for you. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jun 12, 2008, 12:17 PM)
RevSusanna
Interfaith Wedding Minister
Sep 21, 2007, 4:13 PM
Post #5 of 5
(900 views)
Re: [ccola] memorial candle at reception?
[In reply to]
Instead of a memorial candle at the reception, many of my couples have had a special bouquet of flowers, or a single bloom, dedicated to the person who has passed. (It is less ceremonial-memorial like.) One small photo or a small montage of uplifting photos, then an uplifting card, something to the effect:
"Dedicated to my Dad, (father's name), who was always the life of party. He remains forever in my heart."
memorial candle at reception?
