My gf and I went ring shopping a few months ago, and we decided on a very nice ring that we both liked (princess in the middle, with a round & baguette on either side). Fast forward to about a month ago, when my grandmother told me that she had my great-grandmother's engagement ring, and that it was supposed to go to the first grandson who got engaged (which would be me). I made sure she wouldn't be offended if I didn't use it, because I was expecting it to be...well, not ugly, but not as beautiful as the ring we picked out (neither of us like old-fashioned rings, and prefer more contemporary cuts). It arrived last week, and I was amazed to find that I actually liked it...a lot. Sure, it needed some cleaning, but after getting it cleaned (and appraised, just to make sure it wasn't of horrible quality), I really, really like it. It's definitely a plus that it's in my hand already, and free, but there are some downsides. To start off with, it's pretty much completely different than what we had picked out together: it's a brilliant (or round, not sure if that's the same thing) cut with a baguette on either side. Even though it's fairly old, it's a timeless piece, and looks like something you could buy in the store today. But, it's still not what "we" picked out. I can't tell if I'm settling because it's free, but I regret going shopping to begin with. Things would be a lot easier if I'd known about this ring from the start.
So now the obvious dilemma: what do I do? My gf knows about the ring, and has expressed her opinion of the situation. We're trying to work towards a compromise, but I don't really want to reset the diamond...I like it the way it is, but that's not a good enough reason to give her a diamond that she's not in love with, and she is the one who will be wearing it.
I doubt there's an easy answer out there...but it feels good to vent in the appropriate location. For what it's worth, my manager also thinks it's a beautiful ring, and so does his father (the jeweler who cleaned it for me). Any help, opinions and comments are quite welcome. Thanks!
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Oct 19, 2005, 3:49 PM
Post #2 of 8
(1325 views)
Re: [idontexist] *new* heirloom engagement ring
[In reply to]
Dear Loves the Ring,
Women love rings, especially very nice rings. Or, at least I believe we do. I sure do. So, perhaps you could ask her to at least wear it for a while. This would be her engagement ring for a period of time. Perhaps she will love it after she begins to own it.
She most probably has been dreaming of the other ring for some time. But, when she wears this, the ring may grow on her.
Keep the line of communication open and talk. However, it may be best not to discuss a deadline of when a decision must be made about the ring.
If someone had given us a beautiful ring, I'd have to live with it for a while before just saying no. The saved money can go a long way toward paving a firm financial future.
Re: [Et.byRebecca] *new* heirloom engagement ring
[In reply to]
Thank you for your prompt reply. I had thought of the same thing (wearing the ring on a trial basis), but just wanted to make sure that I wasn't going against etiquette. Thanks again!
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Oct 19, 2005, 3:58 PM
Post #4 of 8
(1319 views)
Re: [idontexist] *new* heirloom engagement ring
[In reply to]
Your fiancee is a lucky lady to have such a man who wants to do the right thing and one who is as thoughtful as you.
Re: [Et.byRebecca] *new* heirloom engagement ring
[In reply to]
Future fiancee...and I'm the lucky one :)
TWQadmin
FORUM EXPERT
/ Moderator
Oct 19, 2005, 4:08 PM
Post #6 of 8
(1312 views)
Re: [idontexist] *new* heirloom engagement ring
[In reply to]
Gosh I agree! This ring has a history...what's more romantic that that? Maybe there is a story behind the giving of this ring and you can tell it to your soon-to-be bride. That may warm her up to the idea. Women love the mush, don't we Rebecca? Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
Etiquette Now
WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT
Oct 19, 2005, 4:12 PM
Post #7 of 8
(1311 views)
Re: [idontexist] *new* heirloom engagement ring
[In reply to]
Oh, yes we do. Of course, chocolate goes a long way too :) Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
yvonne"instep"
Social Worker, Stepmother, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor
Oct 20, 2005, 12:14 PM
Post #8 of 8
(1297 views)
Re: [idontexist] *new* heirloom engagement ring
[In reply to]
I think if your girlfriend is open to wearing the ring on a trial basis that's great. Remember though that as much as it would be your first choice at this point for her to choose that ring, it is critical that she also love it as much. As romantic as it is, the idea of a ring being passed down in this way, your relationship is more important. Make sure that she knows that you are okay with whatever she decides. (As you said, she will be the one wearing it.) If on the other hand, she feels any pressure to choose it, and she may already feel that even if you haven't told her how important it is, and does so against her wished just to please you and your family, then she may regret it later which can lead to resentment. Keep an open discussion on this one and be honest, and make sure that she knows she is free to choose either way. Getting your relationship off on a positive footing is more important than any ring. Whichever one you both choose will be a symbol of your love for each other but the way you handle this and respect each other says even more about your relationship.
Best of luck! Yvonne Kelly, MSW, RSW, Certified Stepfamily Counsellor and Coach, Co-Founder and Director of the Step and Blended Family Institute http://www.stepinstitute.ca
*new* heirloom engagement ring
