Background... I gave my girlfriend a .5ct 3-stone diamond ring as a promise ring. She wore it on her left finger, as a pre-engagement ring that we had talked about it as. We also decided to upgrade to a full carat after a year or so. (Yeah, upgrading promise rings...whew.) Now, unfortunately we have since broken up. I was able to return the full carat for the original half, but herein lies the problem. As a pre-engagement promise ring, is this half carat ring mine or hers? I don't plan on ever giving it to anyone else, but if we were to get back together, I'd like to be able to give it to her. She feels as though it was given to her as a gift and should be hers, though I feel it was given as a promise, and while there is no promise currently, she shouldn't have the ring. Thanks in advance
Who broke the "engagment"? Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
(This post was
edited by TWQadmin on Jan 7, 2006, 11:59 AM)
nufamn
Jan 7, 2006, 11:54 AM
Post #3 of 5
(3067 views)
Re: [TWQadmin] promise ring etiquette
[In reply to]
It was actually a mutual decision. We had decided that I, at age 21, and she, at age 19, are simply too young to be in such a serious relationship. We're trying to maintain a friendship, and it was working well until I actually received the original ring for the jeweler. All her friends and family are on her side, and all of mine are on my side of the argument... quite peculiar! I suppose that since promise rings aren't as traditional as engagement, there is some varying opinion in etiquette. Thanks again.
First, I agree that the two of you are a bit young to be considering marriage at this time. Bravo to both of you for realizing this now. There are just too many divorces these days.
There isn't really anything written specifically about a promise ring but for these purposes we can consider it to be likened to an engagement ring. When a couple mutually decides to cancel an engagement typically the ring is kept by the person who wants it (in your case your girlfriend) and she wold reimburse you for half the cost. (Please note that this answer is as per etiquette, not law. Most US state laws deem an engagement ring as a gift - the property of the recipient. Check with your state laws.)
However, since you say you may have hopes of rekindling this relationship in the future, you should consider that pressuring your girlfriend to return the ring, or to compensate you for half the value, may have a lasting negative affect on your future relationship. Decide which has more value to you - the ring or the woman. Top Wedding Questions Forum Moderator - "Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".
My daughter, unfortunately, has been in this situation before and came up with a workable solution--at least for her and her ex. She sold it on Ebay and gave him half.
Of course this isn't even close to the half the it was worth. But, it wasn't a ring that either of them would wear.
So, this may be an option for you two also. Rebecca Black, Etiquette Now
promise ring etiquette
