Top Wedding Questions: Who pays for the shower? - Bridal Shower Etiquette and Planning - Top Wedding Questions

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Who pays for the shower?

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#1 User is offline   LILMIS1 

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Hi Everyone,

I have a friend that has been in 2 weddings this year & have been asked to help pay for the bridal showers. I have been in alot of weddings & have had one myself. I would never ask my bridesmaids to pay for my shower!!

Is this proper etiquette?? The bridemaids have a huge expense as it is(shower gift, dress, shoes, wedding gift, hotel expenses etc)! How can these mother's of the bride & groom let this happen? I feel that is a terrible burden to put on friends that you ask to be in your wedding!! Any thoughts?

#2 User is offline   Wedding Queen and MOG 

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Agreed, this is just another reason the bridal shower should not be hosted by any family member (unless they are a part of the bridal party), nevermind a family member telling any of the bridal party to chip in. If asked to help pay, the bridesmaid can choose to decline if she likes. It is not the obligation of the bridesmaid to pay for the shower.
Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites, Inc®, a wedding planning guide, and Recent Mother of the Groom -

"Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".

#3 User is offline   LILMIS1 

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Thank you for your input, but how can you decline? There is so much pressure on the bridesmaid that states that they only can pay less then everyone or not at all that it causes a lot of stress. There are so many bridezilla's out there that the bridesmaids are felt to be obligated to pay for it. :angry:

Who is to pay for the bridal shower? :unsure:

I have never heard of anyone but the bride's mother or maid/matron of honor throwing a shower for the bride. I guess I've been out of the loop on this. It's not an honor anymore to be in someone's wedding it's just a big expense! :rolleyes:

#4 User is offline   Etiquette Now 

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I must agree with you about the expense and the bridezillas. It is unfortunate. If everyone would just remember how they wish to be treated... Wouldn't that be nice?

The MOH can host the shower, but the mothers shouldn't. It is viewed as self serving. And, by your own experience, can get ugly.

The bridal shower is an optional event, so the bridesmaid can opt out if she wishes. The bride cannot demand one, nor can her mother. So, if the bridesmaid does not want to contribute, she can just say that she cannot host. She can use the excuse of money or time, or both. If there is a tantrum, the bridesmaid can always walk away.

Best wishes,
Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

#5 User is offline   Wedding Queen and MOG 

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No one has to feel obligated to offer to host a bridal shower. Just don't offer. But note that if you're a bridesmaid and you want to host one, it doesn't have to be a mini-reception. Just host a simple afternoon tea at your home or other small venue. And remember, only those invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower. And, of those guests, only those close with the couple. This guest list shouldn't be a list of all women invited to the wedding.

If one of the bridesmaids wants to host a shower, she needs to ask the other bridesmaids for help paying or organizing, if she wants help. Never assume all the bridesmaids want to be involved or can afford to be. Discuss all of the costs ahead of time and agree on who's paying and what role they will play before making plans.
Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites, Inc®, a wedding planning guide, and Recent Mother of the Groom -

"Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".

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