[cmdrn]

My sister is planning a Jack & Jill for me and says it is OK to invite people who will not be invited to the wedding to this type of event as it is not considered a shower. I am only having a small wedding and do not want to offend anyone. Is this appropriate?

[Games Hostess]

Hi cmdrm,

You are right to feel uncomfortable inviting all these people - it is never appropriate to invite guests to your bridal shower that are not invited to your wedding. Whether you call it a Jack & Jill shower or a Honeymoon Destination shower, etc...if you are celebrating your upcoming wedding with friends & family and gifts to start your new home, then it's a shower. Hopefully it's not too late for you to have your sister change the guest list.

Heather

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Jack and Jill,

I completely agree with the Game Hostess. You have very good instincts. Bravo.

Sincerely,

[The Mannersmith]

Dear CMDRN,

While I am sure that your sister has your best interest at heart, there are a few etiquette issues being confused here. First, immediate family members should never host bridal showers. Showers are hosted by aunts, cousins, neighbors or close friends. Second, as you know, only those invited to the actual wedding are invited to the shower. What I suggest is a change of names. Instead of calling the gathering a "Jack & Jill Shower," change it to an engagement party. Engagement parties can and should be hosted by immediate family members AND engagement parties guests need not be invited to the wedding.

Please remember that engagements parties are not usually gift giving events as showers tend to be, although you may receive some gifts anyway.

I do hope that helps,

Jodi Smith