Top Wedding Questions: Special Treatment For FOB Girlfriend - Family Related Wedding Issues - Top Wedding Questions

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Special Treatment For FOB Girlfriend

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#1 User is offline   angel17 

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Hi,

I am getting married in September, and am trying to do all of the planning without a very involved maid of honor (my sister) and without my mom (who passed away in 2001.) I have some etiquette questions about my Dad's Girlfriend. I was extremely close to my mom, and her loss was very sudden and is still hard for me. About 18 months after she died, my dad started seeing another woman, and they live together now. My dad has stated unequivocally that he will never marry his current girlfriend, because his relationship with her doesn't come close to what he had with my mom.

So, here is what I want on my wedding day. I don't want people to think she's my mom first of all.

She won't be escorted down the aisle by the usher, but I am letting her sit in the front row with my dad. I'm putting a rose on the pew for my mom.
She won't get a flower
She won't be any pictures of the wedding party. (the photographers know this and will handle on their end)
If we have a head table, since she's really just a date it wouldn't be right for her to sit there either.

Are these things wrong? I just have a lot of doubts in my head, because I KNOW she will complain about all of these things after the fact to my dad. But, she has not been even really a friend to me during this time. She hasn't offered to help with anything, so why should she expect special treatment just because she is living with my father?

#2 User is offline   Etiquette Now 

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Dear Angel,

Take a deep breath, Angel. Your feelings are understandable and are normal, but please try to remember that she has feelings as well. She may very well feel uncomfortable attending, since she most probably feels that others will be comparing her to your mother--not a nice, warm and fuzzy feeling. And, as host of your event, she is a guest. So, as host you would want for her to feel comfortable.

However, most everything you mention is fine, etiquette wise. It may be better, though, to seat her with your father at a parents' table and have no parents seated at the head table. These are usually only used for very formal weddings anyway.

Best wishes,
Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

#3 User is offline   Wedding Queen and MOG 

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I agree with Rebecca and would like to also suggest that you reconsider allowing her to be in at least one photo. You wouldn't have to use it in your wedding album or even buy that photo. But, it's a nice gesture. Even though your dad may never marry this woman, she may very well be his life partner and could possibly be sitting across the table from you on holidays for years to come. I'd say, if your dad loves her, she's good to him and keeps him occupied, that's a good thing for you. As rebecca suggested, try to treat her as well as possible, even though she's not your mother and never will be.
Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites, IncŪ, a wedding planning guide, and Recent Mother of the Groom -

"Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".

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