[tmdoyle85]

Hi, This is my first post on twq. Thank you in advance for your help/advice/comments.

Last year my husband and I eloped. We planned on having it just the two of us, to keep it simple and within our budget. We always planned on having a larger "Wedding" I supposed glorified vow renewal would be a more appropriate title, for a wedding anniversary, like our 5th. Which we planned to invite family and friends and have the kind of reception that our families wanted originally.

The trouble is, my mother suggested that we have a vow renewal this year on our one year anniversary and that puts me in a predicament. My maternal grandmother gave me some crap about not knowing what the proper etiquette is, and how she'd have to think about that. Her response made me feel she didn't like the idea at all. His mother was in love with the idea, and was thinking about who to invite.

The trouble is this, we can not afford to have the big vow renewal for all 137 guests this august, we could swing for maybe 18 - 24 people at best. I don't want to make any more faux pas by leaving anyone else out, but I want to make his mother happy at the same time.

Do I do the vow renewal (which will be very small in the backyard, only as formal as you come dressed) or do I make them wait for the big one?

If I have the small one this year, is it still appropriate to have the larger one that we promised our friends and extended family?

This post has been edited by TWQadmin: 06 May 2009 - 11:59 AM

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Tmdoyle,

There is a reason your grandmother had a problem with hosting a pretend wedding. It isn't polite or appropriate. You two are already married. Hosting a vow renewal for your 1 year anniversary, is really an anniversary party. And, the one year anniversary isn't something people usually open up for guests.

A vow renewal is supposed to be an event where two people who have been married for a number of years (bench mark anniversary--over 10 years) restate their vows to each other. It isn't supposed to appear to be a wedding. After all, that could appear silly, couldn't it? Two people who are already married hosting a wedding for themselves?

We have very many posts concerning the appropriateness of the vow renewal and hosting a "pretend" wedding. It would be best to read these to avoid embarrassment. Please also read this article, http://www.idotaketw..._etiquette.html, on the subject. Of course, there are always books on the subject that will offer the same advice.

If at the end of all of this you feel that you still must host a pretend wedding, it is best to keep the guest list very small. But, the most appropriate event to host would be a reception before your first anniversary. You can host this any time within the first year.

Best wishes,