[MiraRay]

On Setember 14th 2007 my "husband" and I had a commitment ceremony with close family and friends that knew it was not a legally binding marriage! I planned it just like it was my wedding (the white dress, rings, etc.) , but there was just no marriage license involved. At that time we felt like we were ready for commitment just not the legal part of it! Well, now two years later my "husband" proposed to me again and wants to get legally married! I would be honored to have his last name My question is would I treat this ceremony like a vow renewal since we already did our vows previously? Or would it be considered a wedding since the commitment ceremony didn't involve a marriage license? I just want to be sure I plan it correctly! I look forward to hearing from you! Thanks

Miranda

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Miranda,

This is a difficult one because it is a bit backwards from what we typically see. But, in your case, you had the "wedding ceremony" with family and friends, even though it wasn't a wedding. They were good sports about it and allowed you your special event. Now, if you were to do the same thing only to make it legal, it wouldn't really be fair or polite to ask others to sit and watch it. It is like déjà vu all over again. It just may appear that you want your gift giving event. When we invite guests, we really should be asking ourselves how our guests will perceive the event and if they will be comfortable.

It is best to either host a small private wedding or go to the court house.

But, your event is a wedding.

Best wishes,

[MiraRay]

Thank you for writing back! I know it sounds wierd, but that is just how it ended up. The wedding I was planning is at a chapel on our 2nd anniversary and only 8 guests will be present! I was going to make it like it was a vow renewal ceremony (no white dress, not walking down the aisle, etc.) because the ceremony before was more like a wedding. The only difference will be that there will be a marriage license. Do you think thats ok? That way it won't be "deja vu"! Please let me know if this is appropriate! Thanks

Miranda

This post has been edited by TWQadmin: 02 July 2009 - 09:06 PM

[Etiquette Now]

Actually, this sounds perfect. It is small, intimate, and I doubt that it could be viewed negatively--as just an event to gain gifts and to pretend to be a bride. This seems very appropriate.

[MiraRay]

Thank you! I am really excited! You helped out so much!!

Miranda