Divorced parents of the groom don't want to host wedding rehearsal dinner together

#1 Cruisingj

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I am the Step-mother of the groom and his father and I have offered to plan and pay for the wedding rehearsal dinner. Groom's mother has told groom that she is offering to pay for the rehearsal dinner with her new husband. I said, "ok, let your mom take it and your father and I will help in other ways". Then I received a voice mail from Mother of groom stating "We have a rehearsal dinner to plan and budget for, so call me so we can get together and discuss plans". Now, I have in no way been "friends" with this woman in the 13yrs I have known her. I am very close to her son though, and would not want to hurt his feelings in anyway. He does, however, know how I feel about his mother and all the stunts she has pulled in the last years. How do I cordially tell Mother of groom that I in no way want to work with her on this matter, and that either she can take it all or I will, without stirring up a mess for the kids and their wedding day. Also, I don't want to be the brunt of any talk among the "family" because she does like to spread messy gossip! PLEASE HELP!

#2 Wedding Queen and MOG

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I'd stand back and let the father of the groom deal with his ex-wife.

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites, Inc®, a wedding planning guide, and Recent Mother of the Groom -

"Write your sorrows in the sand, your blessings in stone".

#3 Guest_The Engagement Coach_*

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Well, let me first say that it sounds positive that his mother is reaching out to you to “plan” this together. While I don’t know her, it might be an attempt to connect with you around a very special event. Is there any way you can put your differences aside and work together? Weddings can be very stressful for everyone (parents included), but it’s important to remember that it’s always the MOST stressful on the bride & groom-to-be. What a nice gift to your step-son and his future bride to not have to worry about you and the MOG getting along over the rehearsal dinner. You’re both adults and you both love the groom-to-be so you can do this! It’s just one dinner and hopefully you’ll never have to plan anything with her again. The important things to remember would be setting clear expectations regarding money, the guest list, responsibilities, etc. My advice would be to divide the responsibilities equally and then stick to them so you each have control of your assigned duties. If you really don’t want to hurt your stepson’s feelings, I think you’re going to have to find a way to make this work. Good luck – you can handle this!