[Mohataloss]

Hello,

I hope someone can shed some light on my situation. Two of the bridesmaids in my bff's wedding have decided to plan the bachelorette party. It happens to be on a day where there is a good possibility I wont be able to make it. I have told them so and they have said well you can meet us there. Really? I'm the MOH! I told them that the original plan as to have this is march when she is up from Florida for her bridal shower. I said that their idea was great....so they have decided instead that I would plan the party for march but they are still doing a "girls night out" including the pole dancing which was supposed to be for the bachelorette party. They have even started to plan the bridal shower. I even explained to them that doing the party in November is more than six months before the wedding and that the bride has to leave early the next day to go home. They wont budge or cooperate with me and compromise. Apparently my ideas and opinions are not welcome and all I am supposed to do as a MOH is fluff the dress and give a speech.

It's something that I had wanted to plan together with the other two girls. But they wont let the MOH join any reindeer games!!! Please help me. I want to be a part of this and make it special for the bride....this is all about her, not me or them, but if i cant be there, the bride would be very disappointed. This should be her last fling before the ring!!! I want my bff to have the most amazing time and not get wind of any drama. Please help!

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Can you clarify the wedding month? Is it March? Is everyone from out of town, including the bride?

[Weddings Unlimited]

Sounds like a scene from the movie "Bridesmaids". Difficult to help until some gaps are filled in..date, location and bride's input, if any.

[Etiquette Now]

I agree we need to know a bit more info. One thing I can say now is that the bridal shower and bachelorette shouldn't be hosted more than 2 months before the wedding. And, one way around keeping the bride ears away from any drama, but also allowing her to have some input is to ask her which plan she would prefer. Of course, you could also remind her of the etiquette involved. She just might not want to agree to a shower or bachelorette planned six months before the wedding, if that is the case here.

[The Mannersmith]

Think strategically: Are there any other bridesmaids with whom you can speak about this situation? If not, can you speak one-on-one with each of the other bridesmaids? Preferably in person, if not, by phone. Ask why the party needs to be on that particular date. Ask how they would feel if you choose a date they already had another obligation. Gently mention that the bride might wonder why you, the MOH, is not there. Remind them that while bridal showers are occasionally a surprise, the bride is usually in on the date of (if not some of the evening's agenda) for the bachelorette and someone will need to run the date by the bride in advance to make sure she is able to make it.

If they insist on going forward, you have two choices: either change your other plans or miss the party. Either way, you can hold your head up high knowing that you tried your best.