[amy715]

I have been told by a few people that I should send every member of my bridal party a thank you card, including an unruly bridesmaid. I don't want to be rude, but I really feel in this case, I shouldn't have to. There was a member of a our bridal party who didn't get us a gift, almost got us kicked out of our venue by purchasing alcohol for underage members of the bridal party (she was caught by my photographer and the venue manager), and told the best man that my husband and I had no business getting married if we were too poor to afford an open bar package. And those were just her more disruptive actions (she did too many inappropriate things to list all of them). I did send a thank you card to the rest of the bridal party, whether they bought a gift or not, but I really don't feel that I have anything to thank this one for. Am I being rude by not sending her one too?

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Amy,

Actually, you are obligated to give each of your attendants a gift. A thank you card is a nice gesture as well. She may have been a pain, but she did spend her money and time on your wedding.

Also, even though her comment about the bar wasn't polite or nice, if there was alcohol there, guests shouldn't have had to pay for it. Our guests should never have to open their wallets. We should want to be good hosts for our guests.

Best wishes,

[The Mannersmith]

Ah, a creative writing challenge... Since you sent thank you notes to the rest of your bridal party, I do recommend sending her one as well. Perhaps some very diplomatic lines such as "...having you at my wedding insured the evening was memorable..." or "...in addition to gaining a husband, my wedding allowed me to see my true friends..." Whatever you decide to write, do make it short and positive. As I am fond of saying, two rudes don't make a right!

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

I agree, Amy. Thank her for whatever you feel she did that was positive, even if it was just showing up on time , and move on from the relationship.

Although I agree that it wasn't polite to have a cash bar, it was even less polite (or friendly) for your best man to tattle.I tend to turn a deaf ear to gossip. Hope you can too!

[amy715]

We actually didn't have a bar at all. She went elsewhere to purchase the alcohol that she tried to sneak in.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Ah, sorry for the confusion. Glad we cleared that up.

She sounds like a peach. But, still, I'd thank her for participating and leave that relationship behind. if she' family, i suppose you can't leave the relationship behind - even more reason to thank her and hope for the best.

[Etiquette Now]

Whew! That's so much better. No bar is so much better than one that is no-host. And, I agree that it is best to keep the note short, sweet, aloof, and move on. I'm sorry she was such a problem.