First-Time Bachelorette Attendee In Need Of Etiquette Advice
I’ve been invited to attend a friend’s bachelorette party—or, more accurately, bachelorette weekend—several states away. I don’t know any of the other girls attending the party. The MOH (who lives in the same city as the party) offered to let a few people stay in her apartment on Friday night and book a hotel room for everyone else, then proposed getting a couple of hotel rooms for everyone to crash in on Saturday night. I’m the kind of person who really likes to have my own space, so I’m not wild about the idea of crashing on a stranger’s couch or sleeping 5-to-a-cheap-hotel-room. I volunteered to just get my own hotel room for both nights. The MOH emailed back and said, “Are you sure? I thought it would be fun to have everyone together, plus it cuts down on costs for everyone. But it’s up to you.”
Now I worry that I’ve violated some kind of bachelorette etiquette. This will be my first bachelorette party, so I don’t know what to do. (I know, it’s amazing that I made it to 30+ without attending a bachelorette party!) Any advice? Do I have to suck it up and just forget about my personal comfort for 3 days? Or am I “allowed” to get my own room? Should I offer to pay for the group room somehow? (So far I haven’t even been asked to contribute anything; however, the more I read about bachelorette parties, the more it seems that I should expect to pay for something
Donna, Wedding Queen
I’m 52 and have only been to one bachelorette party in my life — for one of my sisters. I’m with you on the privacy issue. I’ve never been a fan of camping out or group sleep overs. Just not my thing.
In this case, especially since you really don’t know these women well, and you’ll be traveling, I think it’s fine for you to decline politely. It sounds as though you accomplished that well. You could certainly reply, thanking the other bridesmaid and letting her know that you’ll be sure to spend as much of your time with the bride as possible, but prefer to hit the hay in private. Leave it at that. If you start making excuses, they might be met with unwanted solutions.
Have a safe and fun trip.
Joyce C Smith, MBC, President and owner of Weddings Unlimited, Inc. and Ohio State Coordinator for Association of Bridal Consultants
If you are a member of the wedding party, yes you should “suck it up” and stay with the rest of the girls. These parties are big time weekend events these days and the bride will be offended. Go for it..have fun!
Jodi R R Smith, The Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting
Author, The Etiquette Book, A Complete Guide To Modern Manners
First, great question! Second, I support your privacy issues. It does not sound like you are a member of the wedding party. (But even if you were a bridesmaid, if you did not know anyone besides the bride, you could still opt for your own room.) If you’d like to be a bit friendly, you can ask for a room across the hall from the others. Or, if you want to be super friendly, you can ask for an adjoining room (doors opening into eachother’s rooms without needing to go in the hall). But either way, it is your call. Go. Have fun. Be friendly. And when you are ready to retire for the evening, say your goodbyes and make plans for meeting in the morning.
Darlene Taylor, PBC
Oh my goodness…No! You have not violated anything! Don’t you worry. Like Donna said, get your own room, hang out with everyone until they pass out and then hit your own private hay. LOL The MOH is just looking out for everyone’s expenses. So take it at that. If you haven;t been asked to contribute anything, don’t take it personally. But *do* go to the weekend with some extra cash and be prepared to chip in for dinner, drinks, or whatever. You may not be asked now, but you’ll at least be prepared to help out if you’re asked while you’re there.
A word of advice about bachelorette parties…they can range from anything rated G to triple X. Some can be a blast, some can be a dud. Just go with the flow. Sometimes there are…props. If you are handed a prop…just play along. It’s all in good fun. Remember who you’re there for!! And laugh…ALOT!
Amy Rubins, Fete Perfection, Professional Bridal Consultant certified by the Association of Bridal Consultants, Certified Destination Wedding Specialist.
I don’t think you’ve violated any bachelorette rules-of-etiquette nor do I think you are out of line getting your own hotel room. You can have fun that weekend without making it a sleepover. Relax, enjoy and have fun!
Thank you all SO much for the replies! I feel much better now. Very glad to know that I didn’t commit a terrible faux pa
Donna, Wedding Queen, President
You’re welcome. You’re a good friend to care so much.