My Wife Wants To Attend Her Brothers’ (the Grooms’) Bachelor Party


photo credit: Thomas Hawk via photopin cc

Inviting the Groom’s Married Sister to the Bachelor Party???

OK, this is getting really weird, and I’m hoping someone can help me figure out what the heck is going on here and is it as inappropriate as it would appear?

My wife’s brother is getting married in Las Vegas (for the third time). His fiance’s Maid of Honor is her gay male best friend (“Man of Honor?”). They want my wife to be his “Best Woman”. Unconventional as it sounds, I see no problem with it. However, my wife now either feels pressured to plan, or wants to plan, and attend, his bachelor party. Her brother’s best friend is supposed to help plan it. He lives in Vegas, and knows better than anyone who should be invited, where they should go, and what my brother might like for his party. According to the best friend, he thinks it should include meeting at a bar for drinks and then going to one or more strip clubs. Since we don’t live in Vegas, they do, and that is where his friends are, I suggested she excuse herself from the planning and attending the bachelor party, as it wasn’t fair (since we don’t live where the party will take place, they do), and it seemed odd at best, and inappropriate in general.

Also, since we are married and have kids, and do not have daycare options in Vegas on the night of the planned party, I will have to stay home and watch the kids. When she asked if I wanted to go, I said that I was not invited and that since only one of us would be able to attend, it didn’t seem fair for either of us to attend. I suggested taking the kids out to do something as a family together on one of two nights we will have in Vegas without wedding functions to attend.

I appeared that it was agreed that his best friend would take over, and that she would be excused, but now as the wedding approaches, it appears that she is planning to attend whatever his best friend has planned, regardless of my thoughts. She tells me that she is just trying to re-connect with her brother, as they have barely spoken to each other over the past twenty+ years, and that I’m over-reacting, and that I should trust her. Consequently, no one will tell me what is happening, where it’s going to be, or who is going, how long it’s going to last, who’s attending, nothing. What should I do?

Wedding Queen

These pre-wedding parties are all optional and no one has to agree to host one. But it appears as though she’s made up her mind to attend – and that’s the bigger issue. It’s troublesome that you’re expressing dissatisfaction with her choice and she’s disregarding your feelings. Perhaps there is more discussion to be had here and you could suggest alternative activities that your wife and her brother could share that wouldn’t make you so uncomfortable be sure to explain your feelings completely so she understands exactly what concerns you about her attendance at a bachelor party. I agree it’s inappropriate, and maybe even dangerous, for a woman (especially a sister of the groom) to attend a bachelor party.

I hope the two of you can work this out as a couple. Please let us know what happens.

Etiquette Now

I know this may seem a bit odd coming from an etiquette professional, but it isn’t entirely inappropriate for your wife to attend the bachelor party if she is his honor attendant. However, the appropriateness really depends upon the planning, doesn’t it. If this is the drunken night out at strip clubs, then she probably shouldn’t attend. I agree that it wouldn’t be safe and it definitely wouldn’t be viewed positively. However, these parties don’t have to be the drunken debaucheries they have been in the past.

This is definitely something you two should discuss though. She should be able to make her own decision to go or not and you should have the right to have an opinion about it. But, ultimately, it should be her decision. From a practical point of view (personal) I do find it impractical and too costly though, especially since you two are not located in the town of the party.

Wedding Queen

The fact that it’s in Vegas led me to my reply. Hard to imagine a friendly night out to dinner for a bachelor party there. Plus, who really wants his sister along on his “last night of freedom”? It’s kind of like the mother of the bride attending the bachelorette. Just a tad creepy. IMO

Etiquette Guy

This entire picture is coloring way outside the box, in my opinion. A third wedding in Vegas with attendants is bizarre, forget about that the sexes of the maid of honor and best man are being switched around. The seriousness of marriage is being mildly disregarded to say the least, and the whole affair is a bit convoluted. If your wife insists on attending a stag party, with little or no regard for your feelings or her responsibilities as a mother, I reckon you may as well just acquiesce and relax. You must step into the role of protector of your children. I sympathize with your wife wanting to reconnect with her brother, but I imagine there are other venues where this could be accomplished with fewer distractions. On balance, I agree with your assessment that it is ‘really weird’. Assure your wife that if things become uncomfortable, she is to come straight home in a taxi or phone you for a rescue mission. Best of luck. Fasten your seatbelt. I do hope your children are not privy to this as an example of acceptable behavior, because in most situations it isn’t. I hope this helps more than hinders.

Wedding Queen

Honestly, I don’t really have an issue with it being his third wedding and it being in Vegas, but it’s weird to be attending abachelor party for a brother as his sister.

I’m pretty sure my partner would be feeling the same. Of course, he doesn’t get to orchestrate my life, but I do consider his feelings when making plans and we always discuss things as a couple. If he felt really strongly I’d try to find a way to spend time with my brother that didn’t include a group of men out on theVegas strip.