Hello again! Thanks for answering my question on another forum. Here’s my newest problem: I have too many bridesmaids…I know it’s my fault, but I’m not sure how to fix it. My fiance and I are having a small wedding (less than 60 guests) on a cruise ship. Before we decided on this type of wedding, I asked 6 people (3 sisters and 3 friends) to be bridesmaids because I was planning on having the “big dream wedding”. My fiance asked his groomsmen after we decided to have a small wedding. Now, he only has 3 groomsmen. I’m concerned that the uneven number of attendants will look very silly, especially considering the informal type of wedding we’re having.
Should I “uninvite” 3 bridesmaids? I am not particularly close to my 3 sisters who are much younger than me (I asked them out of obligation really) so would it be wrong to tell them they are no longer in the wedding? I’m sure that would be very poor etiquette but I really don’t want to have such an unbalanced wedding party! Please help!
Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca
This is a prime example of why it is so important to wait until the wedding is planned before inviting/asking others to be a member of the bridal party. Plans do change.
Yes, it is very poor manners to dis-invite. There are reasons why it isn’t so, for example when the person is abusive. But, this isn’t the case here. 6 bridesmaids is way too many for an informal wedding with few guests. However, with the informal wedding, we do have leverage. The wedding doesn’t have to follow all formal wedding rules. Plus, the attendants don’t have to be even. Each of the groomsmen could escort two bridesmaids. It might not be too awkward.
All of that said, you could talk to your sisters in private and ask them if they want to be an attendant. You can be honest about asking before realizing the type of wedding you would ultimately host. But, you should leave the decision to them so as not to hurt any feelings, especially since it most likely will appear that you are choosing friends over sisters.
Great advice! Thank you so much.
I agree with the response to your question and I just have one small idea to add. Since you have made this a smaller and more informal event, you may consider just not having a bridal party. You and your groom can decide to do without a party or just have a maid of honor and best man. That way you are limiting your picks to the people that will matter to you the most.
Unfortunately, there isn’t an easy or painless solution.