Bridesmaid Costs. What It Costs To Be In A Wedding
Bridesmaid Question: I’m going to be a bridesmaid in my friends wedding and I’m not sure if I should be expected to pay for certain things. The bride says the bridesmaids are supposed to pay for the bridal shower, but her mother is going to pay for it and we are only expected to help setup. Since we don’t have to pay for it, she wants us to pay for her limo for the wedding.
Are we supposed to pay for the bridal shower, and since we aren’t is it fair for her to have us pay for her limo instead? The bride said anyone who doesn’t pay for the limo can’t ride in it. So theyre may be a few people in the bridal party not riding with the rest of the bridal party. The bridesmaids were also given a list of topics regarding our appearance at the wedding such as: hair costs, dress costs, she would like us to get manicures and pedicures but it’s optional, she would like matching shoes but optional also. Should we also be giving her a wedding present as well as a bridal shower gift? And I read somewhere the bride shouldn’t give us a gift like jewelry that is mandatory to wear to the wedding. Is that also true?
First off, the mother should not be hosting or paying for the bridal shower. Secondly, the bride should not ask you to pay for the limo, this is totally inappropriate. Bridesmaids normally give a gift at the bridal shower as well as at the wedding. Many times the bridesmaids go together for a shower gift. It is not mandatory but brides often give jewelry to the bridesmaids that they want them to wear for the wedding.
So, if the mother shouldn’t be hosting and paying for the bridal shower, then are the bridesmaids required to host and pay? A bridesmaid, the maid of honor and I all told the bride we don’t have enough money to pay for her limo and she was offended and told her family and the rest of the bridal party we don’t want to pay for it and now they all think we are not good friends. What should we do?
Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca:
This all sounds so high school. And, it also sounds like the bride should grow up a bit before the wedding. After all, she will have to take care of herself soon. Jeez. The shower is optional. She may not request or demand one. She also shouldn’t be expecting any of you to pony up fund just because she doesn’t want to pay for something that is her responsibility, like transportation to the wedding and reception. Jeez again.
Donna, Wedding Queen:
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And, how ridiculous that this bride is expecting others to pay for her party. It is her responsibility to pay for her wedding limo. We have an article about bridesmaid’s responsibilities, and none of these things are your obligation. Just say no and maybe for the shower get her an etiquette book. Geeze.
Other Bridesmaid Costs
Q. Do bridesmaids pay for their own dresses?
A. Yes. It is typical practice that bridesmaids pay for their own wedding day outfits. That includes the dress, shoes and jewelry. Most brides will be reasonable and pick a dress that isn’t too expensive, but we have heard many stories where brides don’t take bridesmaid budgets into account.
Q. Who pays for the bridal shower?
A. This is answered above, but basically whoever hosts the shower pays. Most of the time, the maid of honor with help from the bridesmaids will host for and pay for the bridal shower. Definitely don’t ask guests for contributions, we’ve heard that happening a few times and it is not good wedding etiquette.
Q. Who pays for the bachelorette party?
A. It is reasonable to have everybody who shows up to the bachelorette party to contribute. Make it clear what you will be doing for the bachelorette party and the likely costs each so that those who choose to attend are comfortable.
Q. Who pays for bridesmaids’ hair and makeup?
A. If the bride wants her attendants to have their hair and makeup done professionally, it’s a nice gesture for her to offer to pay for these services. That’s what we typically see, but not always so make sure you check with the bride first. You should not be expected to pay for professional hair and makeup as well if you are a bridesmaid, but if this is going to be a sore point with the bride, it may make sense to eat the cost if needed or work on a subtle way to bring it up early.