[drburch]

I want to make a lovely Vera Wang dress for my daughter's wedding. It has an open back with a little bit of a train. Very simple straight lines with a conservative front neckline. I'd like to use a beautiful hammered silk satin (it looks like crepe) in a medium cream color. My daughter's dress is pure white satin with red trim and the bridesmaids will wear long dresses in red. It will be an evening wedding in an outdoor garden. The men will wear tuxes. My questions are: Is my dress too formal? Should I shorten it to just floor length in back? Is cream ok since my daughter will wear white? I thought a neutral color would look best since her dress trim and the bridesmaids will be bright red, and I don't want to be too bright. Also, what color should the mother of the groom wear?

[Etiquette Now]

Dear MOB,

Actually, at first I thought you were talking about the bride's dress. You are describing a dress that the bride could wear. If a bride could wear it, no one else should, even a mother.

A dress that compliments the bridesmaids' dresses in formality, color, and length would be best. But, choose a dress that doesn't appear as if a bride could wear it.

The mother of the groom would choose a dress that compliments yours. Many times it is in the same color pallet with a pattern if yours is solid.

Best wishes,

[drburch]

Hi Rebecca-

Thank you. I suppose this dress could be worn by a bride, but many formal dresses can be used as bride's dresses. So, does that rule out using any formal long dress for the mother of the bride. With the bridesmaids in long dresses and the men in tuxes (including my husband), I thought a long evening gown would be appropriate. I would feel a bit out of place in a shorter dress.

This dress is an evening gown. It doesn't really have a train - the pattern describes it as a flared, shaped back hemline (would drag a little on the ground). Many formal long dresses have that these days. But, with your opinion to avoid anything that might look like a bride, and the fact that the wedding will be outdoors, I'll probably just make the back hemline floor length, the same as the front.

Of course, I don't want to upstage my daughter. But, I don't think it will be a problem. Her dress is strapless, plunging back, full skirt with a long train. Definitely a bride's dress. The bridesmaids dresses will be floor length, red satin.

[Etiquette Now]

A long gown is perfect. A train or anything resembling one would not be the best choice.

It may be best for you to visit a bridal shop and look at a few dresses that are suggested 'mother of the bride' dresses before you begin to make your dress. These are typically formal and in varied lengths. This may help you see the difference between formal gowns for the bridesmaid, bride, and mothers. It is very difficult using words.

Best wishes,

[drburch]

Hi Rebecca-

Thank you so much for all of your advice. I have already looked at mother of the bride dresses at David's Bridal (where my daughter is getting her dress), at Nordstrom's and a number of online sites, and since I wanted to make my dress, found the pattern I selected to be similar to many of the dresses I saw. In fact, many of them are much more formal and flashy than the one I've selected. As I said before, I do think I will make the back hemline the same floor length as the front to avoid any look of a train.

[Etiquette Now]

Wonderful. Then you are already for the thread and needle.