[chichic]

I wanted to take a moment to thank you for providing such a wonderfully filled web resource to all the etiquette-impaired out here!

I am attending a destination wedding of a co-worker. The reception is going to be a casual yet elaborate affair. I would say we're friends--but not close friends. There is also a bridal shower I am attending. What is the etiquette regarding the timing of mailing a wedding gift to the bride for a destination wedding? Also, how does someone decide upon the cash amount of a gift? More specifically, when is it not enough and when does it become too much? Is it rude to give cash for both the bridal shower and wedding?

Someone once told me the gift should cover the meal, entertainment and more.

Thank you so much for your time and thoughts!
Best regards,
Chi-Chic

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Chi-Chic,

Etiquette-impaired? Too funny. Thank you for the compliment.

The 'rule' you mention is something I hear also and even read it in the Wall Street Journal once. But, it couldn't be farther from the truth. The gift you give should reflect your relationship with the person, not how much they spend on an event they plan for themselves.

You are so sweet to put so much thought into this.

It isn't rude to give cash for either or both events. But, with cash comes the questions you espouse: "When is it too much or not enough?" There is no magic amount. For some it will be generous and for some it will be lacking. So, in my opinion it is much better to choose something from her registry.

The amount spent on the gift doesn't matter. You decide how much you can afford and how much you want to spend because of your relationship.

You can send the wedding gift anytime after you know about the wedding. This can be months before.

Best wishes,

[chichic]

Thank you so much for your response. You have ended quite a bit of agony over the "right" gift. I suppose one can only tell themselves: go with your gut so many times before they need the support of a second opinion.

Take care and a world of thanks!!