[Teach27]

Hi Ladies. I hope you can help me out. I got married on the 10th of Sept. My husband invited his uncle and his new g/f, and his 5 five adult children, but not his uncles ex-wife, who is also his next door neighbour. The children made a no show because their mother did not get an invitation. However, the son, who is getting married in 3 weeks, came to the dance to drop off a gift. Stayed for 5 mins. My husband never cared for this aunt, and last year she made a show with the uncles gf in a church, told her to stay away from her and her children. My husband said that he didnt want to take a chance with her making a scene at our wedding, so didnt extend an invitation to her. So, the children came to me, told me why they didnt go, and I told them to see my husband about it. Then, I was told the next day, that we wouldnt be getting an invitation to the son's wedding, because we didnt invite the mother. But, I got a verbal invitation to attend the Bridal Shower, and the husband asked me not to attend, saying that if they cant invite us to the wedding, not to make a show at the Bridal Shower, because his cousins didnt even attend mine. My question is, did we have enough reason to not invite the ex-wife, we're our reasons justifiable? Or are they simply acting childish? Also, do we send a gift even though we are not going to be invited, seeing as the son did bring us a gift that? Me and my husband feel insulted, and we are wondering if we really offended the ex-wife and should she have any reason to feel the obligation to still be invited to family functions even though she is now divorced from the uncle? My husband would have invited the gf of the uncle anyhow, because they are good friends. Who is acting childish here?

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Family Woes,

It really isn't a matter of childishness. When families fall apart feelings are right on the surface. The only issue that is childish is for any of us to think that gifts are given just because we are supposed to give or that someone has given one to us. Gifts should be given because we want to give. So, give a gift is you feel it is right to do so.

Don't worry about attending the shower, not because the cousins didn't attend yours. But, only those invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower.

When families fall apart we often have to choose between the now separated couple. There was nothing wrong with your husband choosing his uncle. They are closer. So, it wasn't incorrect not to also invite the ex. That is a recipe for disaster. If he wants to only include him in the future, that is his choice.

Best wishes,