[jennpal]

Hello,

My mother has been a widow for 11 years and is engaged to be married to a very nice man. Both are extremely active in their church which has several hundred members. They want to post a wedding invitation in the monthly church newsletter inviting the entire church membership to the wedding with a request to rsvp. I am encouraging them to not go this route but rather to go through the directory and send formal invitations to the church members that they wish to invite. They don't want to offend anyone and I have explained this is the purpose of a guest list and folks will understand.

What do you think?

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Helpful Daughter,

Typically for the open church wedding, the invitation is in a newsletter or announced by the clergy. The couple doesn't usually ask for RSVPs though because this invitation is for the entire congregation and we just assume that everyone may attend. After the ceremony there is usually a small simple reception at the church with a beverage and cake or even cookies. It could be more formal, but usually isn't.

She doesn't need to send out individual invitation in this case.

The one thing she should avoid though is to host a formal reception inviting only some of the guests from the wedding. This would be insulting to those not invited. If she has a small family dinner following the church reception, this is fine.

Best wishes,