[tonianne]

I am taking RCIA classes and I will complete my conversion to become a Catholic on Easter 2006. I am getting married in June 2006 and it is very important to me to have a very traditional wedding ceremony with a full mass.

Before I made the decision to become Catholic, I was my best friend's maid of honor at her Wiccan Wedding Ceremony. Honestly, I can say that had I been taking RCIA classes then, and known what I know now - I would not have participated.

I love my best friend like a sister, and I have prayed for her to accept God back into her life for a very long time.

We made a pact with each other that she would be my maid of honor, and I hers. Upon hearing of my engagement (to a Catholic) she is excited about being my maid of honor; however the feeling does not sit right in my heart.

I know how she feels about my conversion. I also know how she feels about Christians in general, and I don't want the most precious day of my life to be polluted with the kinds of thoughts and beliefs she and her mother hold.

Yet, she is still my dearest and oldest friend, and I don't know how to tell her how I feel. I don't know what do exactly.

I feel that her pagan beliefs are completely wrong, and now that my own relationship with God is growing stronger, I feel as though I am condoning her paganistic views by being silent about how I really feel about her "religion."

I just don't know what to do. How can I tell her that I love her, but she cannot share in the most important day in my life?

[Deacon Bob]

Sometimes the best evangelic efforts can be made by example. As we study the New Testament we read accounts of Jesus reaching out to sinners. I would not confront your friend in a negative with your feelings about her and her mom's religions but let them see the wonderful life you are living as a Christian. If they confront you respond with kindness and love. I would look for positive opportunities to share the Christian way of life with them. Keep the door open. At some point they may want to learn more and wouldn't that be a wonderful opportunity for you to share in a more direct way.

By confronting her in a negative way or not having her in your wedding you may lose an opportunity to share the wonders of Christianity with her. Breaking the promise you made could effect your friendship and validate in her mind her negative views of Christianity. It seems like she is still a friend you care about. By being your Maid of Honor she will be in a Christian surrounding hearing Christian words. Maybe she may hear the message she needs to hear at your wedding. Unless she is going to be disrespectful towards the religion or your other guests, considering that she is your oldest and dearest friend, I would include her. Last year, I officiated a wedding where the Bride's sister was Wiccan and in the wedding party. She was very respectful of the service and the religion. I was honored to have the opportunity to talk about Jesus during my homily hoping that something I said could reach out and be helpful. I don't know whether anything I said that day had an effect but I can say one thing for sure. If she was not there, I would not have had the opportunity to even lay a foundation.

Now, I understand that you may prefer to have a Christian hold the honorable position of Maid of Honor. Do you have a single friend or relative that you feel close to that you would like to hold that position? Since your Wiccan friend is married she would technically be a Matron of Honor. I have seen several brides have both.

I hope this is helpful to you. I urge you to pray about this and do what you feel is right after asking for guidance from the Holy Spirit. Consider the opportunity to reach out to your friend in a subtle but perhaps powerful way. God Bless you and I will keep you and your friend in my prayers.

[annemjuhlian]

Deacon Bob has answered you beautifully. The only thing I can add as a non-denominational Wedding Officiant & Minister is this: lead your life with compassion, love and kindness. Model what change you want in the world thru your life and your life choices. You share this is your dearest friend - thru life, we choose different paths and directions. What is true today, often shifts tomorrow as we grow further into who we really are.

[RevSusanna]

In my opinion, Deacon Bob speaks with the true spirit of Jesus Christ. In the parable of the good samaritan, Jesus asks, "Who is my neighbor?" The answer is obvious. It is the one who showed kindness and mercy.

You may certainly have two maids/matrons of honor, one as your beloved life friend, and the other as someone who shares your religious beliefs.

If you have any concern that your friend will not respect your religious beliefs on your sacred day, you can gently address your concerns with her honestly and open heartedly---in a positive light. Respect is key, a two-way street.

I was raised traditionally Catholic. Christianity taught me to hold two things sacred above all: love and charity.

May God and God's angels guide you in this.

May all the heavens herald your wedding day!

Blessings,

Rev. Susanna