[kec2d]

Hi,

My fiance and I both live in the UK and are getting married here in September. I have booked a drinks package of five drinks (glasses of wine) per person which also includes tea, coffee, orange juice, and water. The place that is holding our reception is also planning to have a pay bar open to sell other cocktails and soft drinks. I am very miffed about this, as I am paying for the drinks package to avoid having a pay bar. My fiance thinks this is ok and is offended that I think it's wrong to have guests pay. (He is British, I am American, perhaps it is a cultural thing.) Is it poor etiquette to have this pay bar in addition to our drinks package? I feel like it is in bad taste to assume that guests will have money with them when they come to the wedding, and the thought of them paying for soda especially makes me ill. Is my drinks package not enough? Half of the guests are American, the other half are from the UK, for what it's worth.

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Pay Bar Blues,

I know many people from Great Britain and I really don't think that it is a cultural thing unless things have really changed recently. Actually, there are many here who think that it is appropriate for guests to pay, which it isn't.

Guests shouldn't have to pay for anything. The common rule is that if you invite, you pay. So, from an etiquette point of view even a drinks package is not appropriate. I always advise to please host the event you can afford to host and to provide all of the beverages and food.

However, your drinks package is very generous though because not everyone would be drinking five glasses wine. Your venue shouldn't be forcing you to include this pay bar. You are correct that this is in very bad taste. So, if they insist on including this, perhaps it is time to look elsewhere.

You have very good instincts. Trust them.

Best wishes,