[MoH6]

I am the Maid of Honor in my best friends wedding with four other bridesmaids. We are throwing her a shower and a bachelorette party. Many of them live out of town so it was very hard scheduling a time when most of us could make it. One of the bridesmaids will not be able to make it to the shower and two can't come to the bachelorette party. Is it fair to ask them to still chip in to help cover the cost. Can I ask the other girls who are not bridesmaids to chip in? If so should the bridesmaids have to pay more than the other girls?

[Etiquette Now]

Dear MOH,

It is optional for the attendants to host these parties. So, none of you are obligated to pay for them. If these bridesmaids agreed to share in the cost, then it is perfectly appropriate to ask them to pay. If not, then no.

The bachelorette party cost is shared with everyone who attends, except the bride, even if these ladies are not attendants. The costs are shared equally. As with the bridal shower, all must be in agreement to the cost up front.

Best wishes,