[jwfuture]

I know the exchange of rings is during the ceremony traditionally.

I come from a family that looks at rings as not a necessity. My fiancée and I have agreed we would exchange rings. Would it be okay to exchange rings after the ceremony alone, just so not to raise a big controversy with everybody? He thinks I don't need to respect my extended family so much. (both my parents are fine with it)

[Yvonne - Blended Families]

I guess I'm a little confused. If your parents are okay with whatever you choose, then who would you be doing the ring exchange in private for? I think you both have to do what fits for the two of you. When two sides of the family differ on what's expected, then I think it definitely comes down to how strong each of you feel about the issue in order to make the decision. For example, if your side favours no rings but you don't feel that strongly either way, and your parnter's side favours the public ring exchange and he or she would personlly prefer to go this route, then perhaps this would be the best way to go. Consider first and foremost what the two of you want and how weighted the issue is for both of you and then make a decision based on what both of you can live with.

Sometimes just taking "other people's" expectations out of the equation makes things more clear. Remember too that if one of you "gives" a little on this decision, to satisfy his/her partner on an issue that is more important to them, then inevitably the time will come when the roles will be reversed and there will be more "give" from that partner to the other. This is one of the basic tenets of marriage, give and take, sometimes we give, while the other person takes or receives, and other times, we receive.

Best of luck.

[Etiquette Now]

I completely agree. Plus, some officiates may have a problem with omitting the ring exchange--maybe not.

But, one thought that comes to mind: if you exchanged rings after the ceremony and some of your family has a problem with wearing rings, are you going to take the rings off every time you are around them?