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After reading several replies, I now know that it is 'proper ettiquette' for the wedding party's lodging to be paid for by the wedding couple. I didn't realize this before. I am having a destination wedding and all in our wedding party are making a vacation out of the trip and staying 1 week. A couple of them have a place to stay for free (they know condo owners). My fiance and I have not offered to pay for lodging, but are paying for other items that the party usually doesn't pay for (like all attire, hair & makeup). So my question is - are we still obligated to pay lodging and for how many nights?
I don't really understand this etiquette as it does not seem to apply to a wedding party attendant who has to travel to a non-destination wedding. Last year my fiance was in a wedding which required us to fly to the location and 2 nights of lodging. The wedding couple did not pay for any of his travelling fees or his attire.
So what is the difference between the two?
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Confused about who pays for lodging
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Posted 15 February 2026 - 07:38 PM
Dear Confused,
There really is no difference in the two situations. In fact, Peggy Post has said in her newest book, Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette (thankfully) that the bridal party is responsible for the lodging of their attendants when they must travel for the wedding--not just destination weddings. (finally someone else feels this way)
It is commonly understood that the attendants pay for their attire. But why ask them to travel if you would not want to find some place for them to stay? It is only simple courtesy. The couple should pay for at least two days of lodging since the attendant would have to fly and stay over. However, couples are not responsible for travel costs or attire.
If the bride wants her attendants to wear a special hair style and makeup, it isn't necessary for her to pay for it, but it is considerate. It really should be considered because so many of us wouldn't go to a professional for makeup and hair for one event. So, it was nice of you to pay for this.
Best wishes,
There really is no difference in the two situations. In fact, Peggy Post has said in her newest book, Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette (thankfully) that the bridal party is responsible for the lodging of their attendants when they must travel for the wedding--not just destination weddings. (finally someone else feels this way)
It is commonly understood that the attendants pay for their attire. But why ask them to travel if you would not want to find some place for them to stay? It is only simple courtesy. The couple should pay for at least two days of lodging since the attendant would have to fly and stay over. However, couples are not responsible for travel costs or attire.
If the bride wants her attendants to wear a special hair style and makeup, it isn't necessary for her to pay for it, but it is considerate. It really should be considered because so many of us wouldn't go to a professional for makeup and hair for one event. So, it was nice of you to pay for this.
Best wishes,
This post has been edited by Et.byRebecca: 16 February 2026 - 10:26 AM
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