[nfrost]

Dear Sir/Madam:

I was invited to a friend's out-of-town wedding but my husband (of 10 years) was point-blank not invited.

The groom-to-be does not necessarily like my husband and that's the reason he gave for my husband not being invited. I'm not sure if the fact that he doesn't like my husband even matters but here's the particulars...

I am a female. I was invited to the wedding of my male friend. We have been friends for several years. We met while he was a student at the University I work at - we took a class together and that's how we met.

A few years ago, while my friend was in the military, he came to visit his ol' college town and some of his friends from the area. He stopped by my house last after a full day of travel and visiting. Without any previous discussion he asked if he could spend the night at my house. The problem is that my husband is a long distance truck driver and was not home this particular day. I told my friend that I would have to ask my husband. Well I called my husband and he said "Absolutely not". (FYI - my friend and I have never had anything romantic - or otherwise- going on.)

My friend was really tired and had limited funds. His parent's home, where he was staying, was approx. a 3-4 hour drive. He didn't have money for a hotel and I didn't have money to offer him (I have 4 children - so money is always tight). He was very upset that my husband was being "so unreasonable" (in his opinion). My friend left upset and headed home.

To this day my friend has never forgiven (or forgotten) this situation. In addition, my husband resented the fact that my friend didn't understand why he said "No" - so my friend has never been on my husband's "good-side" either.

It would be appox. a 5 hour drive each way for me to attend the wedding - which would include an overnight at a hotel. In addition I'd have to travel in metropolitan traffic near Baltimore/Washington to get there. I've never driven in this area before or for that fact any metropolitan area.

My husband would definately not want me to attend the wedding without him in attendance. I don't think it's fair for my friend to ask me to attend without my husband. If I have to "let one of them down" I'd have to choose my friend. My spouse comes first!

Help what should I do...and what should my friend expect from me? Any guidance you can provide will be appreciated!

Nancy

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Nancy,

I think you already know the correct answer and just need permission to do so. I give you permission to say no to your friend. It wasn't fair or polite to invite you without your husband. So feel no remorse.

Best wishes,