officiant dilema

#1 Perzival5784

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Niether my fiance or I are particularrly religious. We had always planned to have his cousin, who is a chaplain, do the ceremony; however, his mother his hyperrelgious and insists that her bishop preform the ceremony. She even called the cousin herself to talk him out of doing the ceremony. It doesn't really matter who does the ceremony but I am slightly uncomfortable with too much religion. Should we just let the bishop do the ceremony and try to talk her into toneing down the bible-talk or stick to our guns, insist on the chaplain, and risk offending his mother?

#2 Etiquette Now

WEDDING ETIQUETTE EXPERT

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Dear Bride,

This is a problem your fiance should be handling. One of the biggest problems you could have with the bishop's involvement, could be that you two may have some religious schooling to participate in. So, he really should talk to his mother.

Best wishes,

#3 RevSusanna

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Dear Bride,

Please consider the dangerous precedent that you are setting. Your marriage and relationship must now be your and your fiance's first priority, and your parents come second. Wise parents know this.

You and your fiance need to come to an agreement, and then face his mother in a UNITED front as to how you have decided to have YOUR wedding ceremony. You can do this in an honest, forthright and open hearted manner.

While you would not want to offend your mother-in-law, this is your and fiance's decision to make. Her calling the cousin to talk him out of it, without consulting you, is way out of line.

If you do go with the chaplain, you can respectfully ask your mother-in-law to read a scripture verse or recite a prayer or blessing. In this way, you are showing that you respect her, love her and want to include her. If you do go with the bishop, be sure that you and your fiance meet with him privately to see if he will deliver the kind of service you are looking for.

My prayers for a peaceful and loving solution...

Rev. Susanna

#4 Deacon Bob

INDEPENDANT CATHOLIC DEACON

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Interests:Deacon Bob was ordained an Independent Catholic Deacon in July of 2001. He currently serves as Chaplain for the Howard County Department of Fire and Rescue and is a past International Vice President of Parents Without Partners. He has presented seminars on leadership and relationships throughout the United States and Canada. Bob is the father of a 23 year old step son Chris and a 14 year old daughter Stephanie. He is also the proud grandfather of Christopher, Jr.

Choosing an Officiant is a very personal decision for a couple. Both the bride and the groom must be comfortable with the selection. I know before I agree to officiate a wedding I always meet with both the bride and groom to make sure we are all comfortable with each other. Not to sound overly harsh but this is your wedding not your future mother in laws. You both should visit with her and explain this to her in a polite but firm manner. If you are comfortable with inviting her to participate by reading a scripture that you are comfortable with by all means invite her to do that but do not let her take over one of the most significant days of your life. Best wishes to you and God Bless, Bob

#5 Wedding Queen and MOG

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All very good advice. But, I would like to add that you should consider allowing your fiance to "take the reigns" when you do visit his mother to explain your position. This way, she understands that this is truly what her son wants and keeps you from being the "bad guy", while asserting yourselves as a couple too.

Happiness...