[tigrah79]

My brother is getting married this fall, and I'm having a hard time trying to figure out what the heck to wear. My sis-in-law to be did not invite me to be a bridesmaid because I'm a size 12 (too big), and her family is Chinese... since our family is not religious, they are having a traditional church wedding, and a traditional chinese tea ceremony and banquet.

Since I'm not in the wedding party, I don't want to look like the bridesmaids and cause confusion or embarassment... but I also don't want to offend her family by not wearing the correct colors for their tradtion. My brother is clueless about this, and she is to busy nesting to help... aside from the fact that she makes me feel like I'm too big to be her in law.

Any advice? I know the wedding colors are the traditional black and red from Chinese culture, but that's about all I know.

Any help would be appreciated.

This post has been edited by TWQadmin: 22 April 2025 - 06:00 PM

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

I don't have experience with Chinese weddings so I'll bow to the other experts advice on this one. However, I couldn't hardly contain myself when i read your comment about your clothes size. Did your brother's fiance actual SAY that you were too big to be in the wedding? Firstly, size 12 is hardly huge and is the average clothing size for American women. However, size should never be a deciding factor when selecting a bridesmaid. If she did say this to you maybe it's time to have a chat with your brother. This is not a nice way to begin a new family relationship. Let him know that your feelings are hurt.

Experts - anyone know about Chinese wedding customs?

[tigrah79]

Well she did try to put it politely... she said that with her cousins being a size 0 and 2, that she didn't feel I could lose enough weight to feel like I belonged in the wedding party. Of course she never asked if I was planning to "lose enough weight" either, I think she just assumed. So ya, I have discussed this with my brother a little, but he's just playing peacemaker I think and marking it up to 'bridezilla' syndrome.

Oh yes, and the wedding is in NYC if that makes any difference for the type of attire... fall, afternoon-evening-ish.

Thanks for your comments [;)] It's good to hear that I'm not completely crazy for letting myself be a size 12... I've never had a thin frame or been below a size 10/12 since I finished growing, and I'm 5'9"... which also means I guess I'd be towering over her cousins. Oh well.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Sigh - women come in all shapes and sizes but we are all people. Bridesmaids should be selected based on their relationship with the bridal couple. Besides, at 5' 9 you're probably closer to a healthier weight than her cousins. I'd consider myself lucky not to be included in this self-centered group! HER LOSS!

I did a little research and from what I read about Chinese weddings the only taboo color for guests to wear is white because they say it symbolizes death. But, it seems white is fine for the bride.

[Nancy Tucker]

I do know that the color red plays a big part in the Chinese wedding traditons but not sure for the guests. I'd stay with the traditional "little black dress" to be on the safe side.

[Etiquette Now]

I agree with all of this. You definitely are not too big. So silly.

Conservative dress is key here. And, I'm not sure if you will have to sit on the floor or short seats during the tea ceremony. So, it may be best to find out. This fact may contribute to your clothing decision.

[The Video Pros]

There are numerous sites regarding chinese wedding etiquette, attire, gift giving, etc. You can do a search using the words Chinese Wedding Dress Etiquette and choose from the many sites that will appear.

If black is one of the colors, knock 'em dead by wearing a beautiful "clingy" black dress that shows off your statuesque SIZE 12 figure and luxurious bosom (assuming your have one).

Make a favorable impression by purchasing a traditional chinese wedding gift, which will help express your desire to bridge the gap between the cultures.

A few things to keep in mind when purchasing a traditional chinese wedding gift......

1) if you purchase something, be sure that the gift items in the package come in even numbers, meaning "good things double".

2) or go with a standard Li Shi gift of money, usually wrapped in a red envelope decorated with lucky symbols. The Li Shi money usually comes in $99 or $999, as the pronunciation of Nine is the same as "long and forever."

3) or a chinese tea set

[tigrah79]

Thank you all for the responses and support, I feel much more prepared to go out and get a dress that's fun and appropriate... At least I'll get to look like myself instead of a cookie cutter bridesmaid [tongue].

Also thanks for the gift guidelines. I'm sure it will come in handy.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

I like your spunk! Knock 'em dead!

[dai7452]

I came from a very traditional chinese family. From what I've heard black isn't the best color to wear to a Chinese wedding (unless the bride is OK with it). Gold is also another popular color in Chinese culture. You could wear a Chinese inspired, mandrian collar top or Qi-pao top with A-line skirt under it. I believe that she'll make your sister-in-law to be feeling ashamed that she didn't ask you to be your bridesmaid...(sorry, but I'm ashamed of her acting). So good luck!

This post has been edited by TWQadmin: 27 April 2025 - 07:00 AM