[christysmom]

My daughter just became engaged and will marry in a little over 7 months. We have a wonderful location that only allows 40-50 people for wedding and reception party and she only wants close family and friends. It's her day, but how do I let other family and friends know without having to constantly explain they aren't invited and why? Do I send an announcement after the wedding and try to keep my mouth shut about wedding plans? Could I host a small reception a few weeks or a month after the wedding to invite those who couldn't come to meet them and congratulate them. Is that tacky? I don't want to make it look like we're wanting gifts. She really doesn't. They have a home. Also, my other daughter believes we should invite LOTS of people to showers without inviting them to the wedding. Isn't that tacky?

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Small and Private,

Many people host small events that not all family can attend. We only have so much space and money. Most people understand this. So, if someone asks about the wedding, you can tell they of the space issue.

You may host a reception later. This is done quite often. You could even verbally let your guests know that this is not a gift giving affair.

Yes, you are correct. It is tacky and impolite to invite guests to a shower and not to the wedding. It is a 'rule' that only those invited to the wedding can be invited to the shower. Plus, you and your daughter should not be involved in the planning or hosting of it. She may suggest that she wants a large shower. But, only the host can make that decision.

The shower should not be large though. This should be a small intimate gathering of those close to the couple.

Best wishes,