[AnnaFoxx]

I'm MOH and am trying to help Bride & Groom resolve an issue. It just so happens that the 5th wedding anniversary of the Best Man -- who is also the Groom's brother -- falls on the same day as rehearsal dinner (day before wedding). Groom and Groom's family wish to toast Best Man & his wife to celebrate their 5th anniversary during the rehearsal dinner, and would also like to have cake congratulating them. Bride & Bride's family are okay with idea of toast, but feel that having the cake would inappropriately divert attention from focus of the rehearsal dinner -- which, of course, is the upcoming wedding. Bride has suggested that Best Man's anniversary could be celebrated at the pre-rehearsal dinner (2 days before wedding), at which all close family members will be present. Groom feels that celebrating Best Man's anniversary at rehearsal dinner would be better, since that is the actual date of the anniversary, and since there will be 100 guests there, as well as the family members. Groom is having trouble understand why Bride doesn't want to "share the spotlight" during rehearsal dinner, since it's not the same as the actual wedding. Bride wonders whether she is indeed being selfish. Please help!

[Etiquette Now]

Dear MOH,

It is really just a matter of opinion. But, those two events should be separate. Plus, 100 guests at a rehearsal dinner??!! That is way too many. This definitely won't be a the typical rehearsal dinner.

It is a matter of choice. But, it may be best for the host to check an etiquette book about this. It is fine to invite out of town guests, but it is better to keep the guest list to the just the people actually involved. This is a party to give the attendant's gifts, to toast the couple, to wrap up any little tid-bits concerning the wedding, and to wind down. With that many guests most likely everyone will be tired the next day.

Best wishes,

[AnnaFoxx]

Thank you, Rebecca, for your advice! I neglected to mention that the wedding is, in a sense, a "destination" wedding because it is midway between Bride's & Groom's hometowns, making it 2-3 hours away from everyone involved. They did want to include out-of-towners at the rehearsal dinner, so that's why so many people were invited.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

So then everyone is from out of town!

I agree with rebecca - invite only those immediately involved in the wedding ceremony and leave the rest of the guest to their own devices. Otherwise, what you have is another wedding reception. The rehearsal dinner is supposed to be, as Rebecca mentioned, a small affair to give the close family members and members of the bridal party a chance to mingle, exchange gifts and be social with each other before the big affair (where you may not have the opportunity to socialize with all guests).

It is not considered rude to give the visiting guests a map of the city along with local dining, attraction and travel suggestions.

This post has been edited by TWQadmin: 09 August 2025 - 11:31 AM

[Etiquette Now]

I couldn't agree more. That is a great idea.