[wecando]

An incident has occurred between my daughter and myself that is breaking my heart and I'm having a difficult time getting past this.

My daughter is getting married this November and I was informed by the groom's parents that they will both be walking their son down the aisle at the beginning of the ceremony - that they've done the same with their other sons who got married and it's their family tradition.

I said to my daughter, in front of her mother-in-law-to-be while we were all out buying the wedding dress and doing other wedding planning things that it would be really nice, if, despite the fact that her dad and I are divorced (it was a bitter divorce) that we walk her down the aisle together as well. I saw this as a way of acknowledging our equal roles in her upbringing. It's also a way of making some kind of civilized effort and peace with our children and ourselves that we can do this one thing together without any vindictiveness or bad feeling. My daughter was very quick to tell me with unwavering certainty that she didn't want me to walk her down the aisle - that she only wanted her dad to do it.

Her mother-in-law-to-be interjected at that point with a very reasonable compromise - suggesting that both of her parents walk her down the aisle and that when we get to where I'll be sitting that I sit down and that her dad then take her the rest of the way and give her hand to her groom. I was thrilled at this suggestion because it seemed to solve a very uncomfortable imbalance with that part of the ceremony.

Despite this fair-minded suggestion, my daughter insists that she doesn't want me to share in that part of the ceremony that she wants only her dad to walk her down the aisle. I'm feeling very hurt and upset about this. I wish she would change her mind and come to understand the deeper issues at work here.

Short of taking all of this to heart and being so hurt, what else can I do or suggest to her to help her change her mind? I've shared my feelings with her because I was so upset, and I said some things that I regret as a result of feeling so slighted - but my feelings don't seem to matter, she insists that she only wants her dad to do this.

So that's why I turn to you and ask, what is proper ceremony etiquette in a situation like this?

Thanks for reading this, I really hope that you will have a solution for this horrible situation.

[Etiquette Now]

Dear MOB,

It is Christian tradition for the father to walk his daughter to her groom, although this is changing. She seems to want this custom, which is fine. It isn't a slight. She just wants this and she should have it.

It is also customary for the mother of the bride to be recognized as a very special guest by being seated last, right before the procession.

So, she really is not taking anything from you. Plus, you did place her in an awkward position by asking to escort her in front of her groom's mother. It really is her place to make these decisions and it shouldn't be discussed in front of others.

Best wishes,