[penth]

Alright, this is a complicated situation... :)

I am living gratis with my aunt and uncle while I complete my senior year at the University of Arizona (there are several negative and positive factors involving trust issues but I won't go into those now). My aunt is helping me sew my wedding dress as well as the MOH's (my sister) and my cousins', both of whom I live with and asked to be bridesmaids, as they were helping me plan and coordinate the wedding. I wanted to honor them for letting me live there as well as helping me so much, but I did not really know them for more than a month when I asked them, which turned out to be a foolish choice. The elder bridesmaid has a one year old child as well as a hefty career, and it feels to me that she neither has time nor interest in helping me anymore. Whereas we used to make plans for luncheons once in a while to a. discuss the wedding and b. generally get to know each other, I have not talked to her in over three months (not without a lack of trying on my part). My second bridesmaid is more complicated. She is a bitter young woman who tends to hold forever grudges. I used to work at the same theater she worked at, but quit recently because my school schedule and wedding planning got to be too much. We used to joke around with each other and coexisted peacefully, but since I quit the theater and started planning my wedding, she has been openly hostile and has even convinced her parents that I am a liar and a horrible person (which are part of the trust issues that I mentioned earlier; they're now keeping tabs on how much time I spend with my fiance', which, due to school schedules, can only happen for 3 hours per week). Having her glare at me every time I enter her presence is extremely uncomfortable, and I feel very isolated in my wedding planning and in my life as neither my mother nor my MOH can help me due to physical distance and financial concerns.

[Side note: My fiance' doesn't understand in the slightest why I would -want- bridesmaids in the first place, and I'm beginning to agree with him as we are on an extremely tight budget, and neither of us are ostentatious people (informal ceremony; <$2000 for ~100 people). The reason I chose my family over close female friends that I have deals with the budget -- if I invited one friend as a bridesmaid but didn't invite the other to the wedding due to budget concerns, I don't know how I'd handle that situation, which strays from this topic.]

My main question is, do I ask these hostile and disrespectful bridesmaids to step down, and if so, how do I do so without angering my aunt and uncle, whom I am living gratis with? I do not have another living situation open to me, so I must stay with them until May, when the wedding is.

Help! I'd appreciate any advice you can give me. :/

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Penth,

It sounds like there needs to be some open dialogue. You could tell your aunt that you don't feel like either of her daughters really want to participate and that you want to give them the choice. Make it very easy. But, it would be awkward to ask them to quit without discussing it with your aunt. It seems that it is better that she hear it from you than from her daughters.

Best wishes,