Family Planning issues

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Family Planning issues

#1 ulassei

Newbie

Group: Registered users
Posts: 2
Joined: 27-December 06

Posted 27 December 2025 - 01:25 PM

My sister is getting married July 2007 (she became engaged May 2006). Our parents are paying for her entire wedding. Recently I have become engaged and after consulting various etiquette books, we have decided to get married December 2007. My sister is thrilled and there are no hard feelings between us as we both feel that there is enough time between the weddings.

I do have serious issues with my mother. She has taken on the planning for my sister's wedding as it will be a backyard wedding. Because it is a backyard wedding in a small town, she has not yet done a lot of the planning. She has started to become very panicky and expects me to do a lot of the planning as my sister has no interest in planning her own wedding and gets into arguments very easily with our mother. (and besides, my mom offered to do all of her planning so my sister feels no obligation since she would have chosen to elope if she had to plan her wedding as she is not very good at organizing events).

I live in another city about an hour away and it has been decided by my fiancee, myself and both of our families that our wedding will be a very large (300 person) formal black tie wedding. With less than 12 months to go to our wedding, most top companies are booking up (i.e. florist, photographer etc.) and I need to begin planning right away. My mother agrees that I should plan my wedding without her (and I have hired a wedding planner) but she is very angry with me for planning so far in advanced and has become very rude. I have tried explaining to her that top vendors are booking up (the DJ, florist and photographer that were top on our list have already declined as they have another wedding to do)

My mother insists that I have to plan my sister's wedding first with her (especially since I am the maid of honor). I have very little time as I have a full time job which involves a lot of travel, I live in another city and have my own wedding to plan. She does not want to talk to me about my wedding at all.

Am I responsible for planning my sister's wedding and how can I get my mom to be more open about me planning my own wedding?

Because my parents are adamant about paying for my wedding as well (again an unexpected gift), I am finding it hard to book anything without a deposit. I have told my mom this and I have offered to pay for the deposits and/or full cost and she becomes even more rude with me.

What can I do?

#2 Guest_expertplanner_*

Group: Guest users

Posted 27 December 2025 - 06:11 PM

You are not obligated to plan your sister's wedding at all. So, the 'planning her wedding first' isn't reasonable, or realistic. She should be planning her own wedding. It is quite generous of your mother to finance her affair but it does not relieve your sister of the responsibility to plan her own wedding. As for your duties as a Maid of Honor, they are to be performed in an assistant capacity to your sister, not as the sole wedding planner.

Regarding your wedding, talk to your mother about the way you feel. If she still continues to take issue with your decisions, then you can opt to pay for and plan your own wedding without her input or financial support. You don't have to accept your mother's "unexpected" gift. However, if you do, then you must find a way to work with her though the wedding planning process to make this day a success.