[jay76]

I'm the MOH in my friend's wedding this Feb. I am having the shower this month. She didn't want a themed shower so I read in many places that you could decorate in the bridal colors. I made the invitations myself and bought all of the decorations in her colors, finding cheap, but nice, things at the dollar stores etc.The whole time I'm thinking she will love it, all being in her favorite colors and all, but then when I mentioned it, she looked almost threatened and just said that she thought it may be too much like her own wedding reception. At first I was mortified thinking I did something horrible to her. But as I started thinking about it, her wedding will look nothing like my little home shower with paper streamers, balloons, and dollar store vases and I had read that picking the wedding colors to decorate was OK. I wanted to do something nice for her, not compete with her own wedding. It's too late to go buy all new decorations. Everyone else I told my decorating ideas too prior thought my plans were really nice. I don't know how she came to think I was trying to compete with her own wedding. I guess i'm just hoping she doesn't really feel that way and is just stressed.

This post has been edited by TWQadmin: 23 January 2026 - 07:32 AM

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Dear Generous Bridesmaid -

Contrary to popular belief, bridesmaids are not obligated to host a shower. So, whatever sort of party you host, as long as it is just a small group of the bride's nearest and dearest, and not a repetition of the wedding guest list, is your choice. Be sure to follow proper shower etiquette though.

Perhaps, as you suggested, your bride is feeling stressed. Give her the benefit of the doubt and continue planning as you see fit. Hopefully, she'll come to realize that you are providing her with some wonderful memories (and gifts too!) and that the focus should be on the time she spends at the party and less attention to what I like to call the "fluff stuff".

If you are a bride reading this, please appreciate the time and effort that goes into these optional pre-wedding parties.

[Nancy Tucker]

I totally agree and feel that the bride is over reacting and hope that you'll go on with your decorations and enjoy. She probably won't even remember her reaction.

[jay76]

Thanks so much for the comforting words.I really do feel that I have tried everything to please her. In the beginning she tried to plan the whole thing and I have incorporated all of her previous wishes about the shower such as food and drinks she wants to be served(even though she's not supposed to plan the shower at all) and have invited everyone that she wanted there.
However, now I'm weary of doing things for the shower that are proper etiquette, but because she's not doing them for her wedding she might feel threatened again. For example, because of trying to keep costs down she is not providing any wedding favors, or having any flowers, or even very many decorations for the reception. However, in order to keep costs down I think she should cut down her guest list of 250! I think her reaction to my shower plans was out of her insecurity about how her own wedding will turn out.
I've tried to give her advise on how instead of not decorating at all for the wedding maybe she should cut her guest list, but she just replies saying that she doesn't care about pleasing everyone and thinks it will be fine. So then I let it go, it is her wedding. But now for the shower I was planning on providing shower favors, but I am now wondering that she may take that as me trying to "out-do" her again since she won't be providing wedding favors at her wedding.
"Sigh"....I suppose I already know what I should do though. Like was said, just to go as planned with my ideas and make it a nice shower for her and her guests and stop worrying. I guess it's just frustrating knowing that she won't appreciate the shower as much as I had hoped, but at least everyone else will enjoy it. [:/]