[clueless07]

I am currently in disagreement with my fiance and his mother regarding the announcement vs. invitation issue. We will be getting married in Jamaica and have already sent out save the date cards to the few close family and friends that would be going. Now here is the problem, since other friends/family who we are not as close to will most likely not be attending due to the cost, I feel that we should wait until we return and just send announcements. (Although I would be fine without any announcements either). My fiance and his mother think that is like "Hey we got married, you weren't invited". They feel that we should send the standard invitations and include something about how although we know you wont be able to make it. I think this would be fine if we are only sending to close family/friends, but they want to send everyone. I feel like since we know a lot of people won't be going that the invitations are more of "fishing" for gifts and they are going to feel this way too.

Help!!!!! [] What would is the "proper" way to handle this?

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Clueless,

Invitations are not sent to those who are not invited. If you want them there, then send invitations. But, language that leads a person to feel that they really aren't invited isn't polite.

Announcements may be sent out after the wedding if you feel that you want them to formally be advised of your wedding. These don't flaunt the fact that these people were not invited, as we always have to trim our guest list for various reasons--usually cash flow.

I hope this helps.

Best wishes,