[proposer]

I am new to this site and have found a lot of the threads already very helpful. I searched as much as I could to try to find the answer to this question, but to no avail. I hope I didn't just miss it somewhere.

I want to propose and I know my gf is the type that would really love it and be thrilled if I surprised her (I might do it on her birthday too). I thought this would be a great idea, but I also know that she is the type to care about the wedding ring. I mean, she's going to be wearing this for the rest of her life and she's a girl, so I am definitely assuming she wouldn't want me to pick out a bad ring. I have some sense of good taste, but sometimes you never know with girls, right? I think she'll love the ring I get her regardless, but I want her to get the ring she REALLY WANTS too.

I don't know; am I overthinking this too much? Should I just go ahead by surprising her or ask her to go with me to pick out a ring so that she'll have the one she really wants. On one hand, the memory of the proposal would last forever, but on the other, the ring on her finger will last that long too.

The last part to my question is this: If I do choose to surprise her, is there still some way to propose and then pick out a ring together? This seems like the ideal situation but I can't for the life of me think of a creative way to do this. I wouldn't want to propose and have a piece of paper in the box saying "IOU" or something lame like that. And I don't know if this is a better idea than to propose with a ring in the box and surprise the heck out of her. I'm pretty sure you can't buy a ring and then return/exchange it for something different, right? Even if you could, it'd be kind of a weird gesture symbolically. As you can see from all my babbling, I'm very confused on this issue. Please help. Thanks!

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Proposer,

It is confusing, so you are normal. Of course you can propose and choose a ring together. Actually, this is the best way to do it as women are picky.

So, you think the IOU in the box is lame?? Darn. [] But, something along those lines is a good idea. Perhaps you could choose to do something you two have discussed. Or... there is a movie I absolutely love--A Walk in the Clouds. I won't go over the entire premise, but the man and woman pretend that they are married. He sells chocolate, so they use the gold band from one of the chocolates as her wedding band. You could watch this movie together and then do as he did. She just might find this charming.

Just an idea.

Best wishes,

[proposer]

Haha, thanks for the reply. That does sound like a good idea. I didn't realize that proposing without a ring in hand and picking it out together at a later time was common. At the same time, I just feel a little bummed that I can't "WOW" her with the ring. I know there are definitely other factors that go into "WOW"-ing her (like the proposal itself), but I know having one would be awesome too.

[Etiquette Now]

I don't know about your sweetie, but you wow me with your concern over her. This is something women appreciate very much. So, you are already way ahead of the wowing game.

Hey, and chocolate goes a long way too! []