[browncoat]

Hello,

I was hoping for some advice. My mother has done everything in her power to make this wedding about her instead of my fiance and me. She recently bought a historic home that she is renovating; the reception will be there. She has invited 100+ people that I've never met, telling them that it isn't a formal event and don't worry about gifts. It IS an extremely formal event, and she invited them for the sole purpose of showing off the house. She even wanted napkins for the wedding to be printed with the name of the house. Every request that my fiance and I have made has been either ignored or criticized incessantly. Everything my fiance and I have planned and done (favors, invitations, dj, chapel, attendant gifts, attire, musicians, etc), she has taken credit for while telling us and everyone else that we haven't done anything. After telling everyone that it wasn't formal (even though it is in the evening, there are full tuxes, a banquet, a carriage, and everything else to make it exceedingly formal), she is wearing a ball gown to shine the spotlight on her. She went behind our back to ensure the lighting of a unity candle (which we don't want) so she can have an important role during the ceremony. She canceled all of our food orders so she could have the backyard barbecue type of food that she wants. She and the majority of my family (on her request) have decided not to attend the rehearsal dinner, the only thing she hasn't been able to control completely, in a direct slap to my fiance's family. She called my stylist to ask her to style my hair up, after witnessing my relatives compliment me on how good it looked down. Now, she has informed the carriage company and all the planners that she will be riding to the ceremony in the carriage with me and my father - so the entire town can see her in the carriage. I'm completely at a loss - what can I do? This is mine and my fiance's day, right? Is there a way to handle this without starting WWIII?

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Browncoat,

There probably is no way to address this without causing a fight. But, it must be addressed. Parents are no longer financially responsible for their children's weddings these days. So, it also means that even if they are contributing they do not have planning or inviting rights.

You could just tell her point by point, as you have stated here, how she has been planning your wedding and you want your wedding back. Plus, it may be best to take her completely out of the picture by paying for everything and changing the reception venue. Then she cannot change any of your plans.

Also, contact all of your vendors and inform them that they are to only follow your wishes.

Best wishes,