[Donyalw]

The daughter of a good friend is getting married and moving to the Netherlands. She will not be able to take much with her.

My friends and I would like to give a bridal tea for her, just as we have for her older daughter. We are having trouble figuring out what to do. I understand it is in pour taste to have a money shower or money tree. Do you have any suggestions for something special we can do to show we love her without getting a bunch of gifts that she can't take with her?

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

A bridal tea is different than a bridal shower. That is typically a get together hosted by the bride for her bridal party and mothers so you may want to choose another name for your parry. However, showers are optional so you can choose not to host one at all or you can host a gift-less shower which is becoming more and more popular these days.

If you are hosting a shower with gifts, the gifts should be something the bride can open and show to her guests. Money or gift cards don;t fit the bill. Imagine the bride opening the card and holding up some money and announcing the cash amount. Very embarrassing for both the bride and the guests.

[Etiquette Now]

I completely agree. Just spending time with a person makes them feel special and loved.

[Donyalw]

What do you call a giftless shower? Could you give me some examples? Especially how we would word the invitation. I sure would appreciate your help.

Here in the south, Bridal Teas are like drop in showers and have been given since my grandmothers time, or longer. Women can come and go during a 2 to 3 hours time. The Bride opens the gifts as the guest come in and they are displayed as soon as opened in another room. They are formal and the good china, silver, crystal and linens come out. Maybe they are called something else where you live.

[Etiquette Now]

Times change and that tradition is even changing. It isn't proper for those not invited to the wedding to be invited to any gift giving event.

A giftless shower is exactly like a traditional shower except there are no gifts. All shower etiquette is still followed, such as close family not hosting, only those invited to the wedding are invited, and it should be a small, intimate affair.

[Donyalw]

Hello Rebecca,

She will have a ceremony here in Tennessee before she goes. For the people invited to this wedding, what would the invitations say? Bridal Tea, please do not bring a gift? Sorry, I guess I just need it spelled out. What do we put on the invitation? It will be printed on the computer on embossed designed card stock. So besides the where and when, how do we convey the no gift request?

[Etiquette Now]

I sorry as well. I wasn't quite clear.

If you still want to call it a bridal tea, since this is common in your area, then at the bottom of the invitation state that no gifts are expected or no gifts please.

For the gift-less shower, we simple call it a gift-less shower.