[Bgirl]

My mother in law is getting married - for the 3rd time. She wants her grandchildren in her wedding. At first it was going to be dressy but informal - at a small country church. Three weeks later she tells me to take my daughters to a bridal shop to try on the dresses she has picked out for them. She changed her mind and now, instead of wearing "church dress" for the girls and khaki pants, with shirt and tie for the boys, this will be a very formal evening wedding, with formal gowns and tuxedos. What!!!! I told her we could not afford all of this. I in no way expect her or anyone else to pay for it, but I do not think it's fair for her to not inform us of these changes and to expect us to dish out money we do not have. As it stands now, my children will not be in the wedding. I do not feel like I am being unreasonable. I do not have, nor will I have the money to pay for this stuff. What do you suggest I do to come out with a more positive solution?

This post has been edited by TWQadmin: 18 September 2025 - 12:46 PM

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

When you agreed to allow your children to be a member of the bridal party, the wedding was to be less formal with less expensive clothing for the children. Now that the formality and clothing has changed, you are entitled to change your mind too. I would have your husband approach his mother, letting her calmly know that you just cannot afford such elaborate, expensive clothing for your children. Since she changed the rules she may offer to pay for their clothing. If she does, I would accept graciously, and allow the kids to participate. If she can't, or doesn't want to pay, maybe you can agree to share the cost. But, have some good, honest discussion about all of this.

[Etiquette Now]

I agree. It is perfectly appropriate for you to feel as you do and decline. And, I agree that sharing the cost is a great option as well.