[ajunnerstall]

My fiance & I live approx. 1 1/2 hours from my hometown where our wedding will take place. We have chosen a beautiful church which we have both agreed upon for our wedding, however now my parents are "insisting" to have our wedding at their church...both churches are Catholic. They say it's proper to have our wedding at their church since they are members there. I had attended services at their church for almost 10 years of my life, however I have not been a member for the past 7 years. They are paying for the majority of the wedding, however we feel the church we have chosen is "right" for us. What is proper etiquette in this case? Since they are financially supportive, how do we tell them we don't want to be married in their church?

This post has been edited by TWQadmin: 11 June 2025 - 11:01 AM

[Weddings by Shayna]

You may want to try two approaches to resolving this. One, speak with someone in your clergy who you trust to give you an expert representation of how your local diocese feels - they may give you enlightening guidance that will help you make a decision. Second, determine how much financial support you expect to receive from your parents. Whether right or wrong, paying for the bulk of the wedding can give the bride's parent's unwanted sway over major decisions.

Technically, they should allow you to make the choice of the sacred space most meaningful to you. Practically, if they're paying, they are likely to have strong opinions. If you cannot forego their charity, you will have to work out a solution WITH them, not for them. I wish you the best of luck!

[RevSusanna]

How do you tell your parents? With a balance of honesty to yourselves and your parents, empathy for their feelings and open heartedness for all---including you. You may explain to them why their church does not feel right for you, and the other church does. It is understandable that your parents, who are footing the bill, wish you to marry in their church. They may have strong ties to their church over many years. They may feel emotionally and financially attached to their church. It is their spiritual community, and wish to share their daughter's wedding with them. Also, historically the wedding would have taken place at the bride's church. However, that is often not the case these days! It would have been in your parents day though. You may explain this to them as well. One suggestion that may help, you can offer to pay for the church/ceremony aspect of the wedding.

From my experience, what you and your fiance are going through is typical when parents are so financially supportive. There is usually a careful navigation between what the bride and groom wish and the parents wish.

Blessings and prayers for a peaceful, amicable solution for all...

[Etiquette Now]

There is no way I can offer better advice than this. Bravo. And, I completely agree with all that has been offered.

Best wishes,