[Bride Confused]

I need clarification for a photograph issue. I am a bride that was married in June 2007. After the wedding, I was told there were no family photos of me and my family. There were a few of all my family but none of just my family. My mother is blaming me for this. She didn't even want to look at the proofs from the wedding but she did; however, she did not order any pictures because she's so mad that I didn't make sure there were family photographs taken. I am quite confused. I don't even remember any photographs that were taken. My mom was the wedding coordinator. She worked so extremely hard on my wedding. And I feel that it is the responsibility of the coordinator, photographer, and anyone else there that is aware of the issue at that time. However, I will not blame anyone. It is a sad thing that I am trying to get over and there are pictures of my family. I am not sure who is responsible to make sure all photos are taken. I was not able to coordinate most of my wedding because my mom and I were making my wedding dress and it took literally over 500 hours to hand-stitch embroidery. I was not able to stay on top of the photographs (prior to the wedding), the disc jockey or anything. The dress was literally finished 20 min. before I was suppose to leave for the church.

Whose responsibility is it to make sure all photos are taken? Both my father and step father were aware of there being no family photos but neither one of them spoke up. My mother was dealing with the pastor at the time of the photos. My father was upset at first but not so much that he is angry with me and completely blaming me. I am heart broken that my mother is so one-sided about this. She will place a higher meaning on this issue - like I didn't care enough about my family to make sure all photos were taken. All I remember of that day with the photos is "stand here, look there, smile.."

Please help clarify this issue.

[Weddings by Shayna]

Engaged couples are responsible for consulting with their photographers prior to their weddings and expressing which photos are important to them and which should not be taken. Most professional photographers at least have a form or questionnaire to establish the relationships between the attendees and to note which shots will be important to the couple. If a list was provided to the photographer or if a consultation occurred in which shots were discussed and promised, then the photographer should have delivered. However, if the photographer was not given such input, there was no guarantee that the shots that you wanted would be taken.

It's not obvious to me why your mother would consider it an intentional slight on your part, as opposed to an unfortunate oversight by the photographer, but family dynamics are complicated and feelings are easy to hurt. It won't do any good to blame a family member for not noticing or speaking up at this point - simply figure out whether or not the photographer fulfilled his/her contractual obligations and then work together as a family to put bad feelings behind you. You have a lot to look forward to now as newlyweds - try to focus on the future.

[Etiquette Now]

I agree completely. Many do not even include family photos.

It is best to place this in the past where it belongs.