[royaltee212]

My parents were never really parents. They were both very young(17 and 18) when I was born, and took no real interest in raising me or cultivating an even fair relationship with me as an adult. They are both childish, and over all non supportive in all aspects of my life, including this new marriage. Not because they don't like my fiance, just because they are bitter, mean, resentful people. Anyway,

My mother and father divorced when I was 13, some 20 years ago. They remain bitter and angry and can't stand to breathe the same air. My father has remarried, his then mistress, whom I do not get along with, nor does my fiance, for reasons which have nothing to do with the way her relationship started with my father. She has been rude, disrespectful and made racial comments about my children. Enough said there!

After my parents divorce I became extremely close to my aunt (my mother's elder sister) and she has become a mother to me. My aunt and my mother have not been on speaking terms in many years because of my aunt's distaste in the way my mother treats me. I have tried, in spite of all the issues with and between my parents to include them in the planning of my wedding. Neither of them express interest in being involved in any way shape or form. I am not having my father escort me, but my oldest son. Of course my aunt has come to my rescue, acting as my mother should, she dress shopped with me, has contributed financially (though my fiance and I are mostly paying for everything ourselves) and has helped me plan down to the very last detail.

So now to the question part! How do I handle the seating and prossesional? These people, my mother and father, are not close with me at all. I feel my aunt should stand in my mothers place as this is the place she has taken in my life and in the planning of this event. I feel it would be disrespectful to her and hurtful if she is treated like any other guest, and to have my mother "honored" in the MOB spotlight. And where to stick the distant Dad and wicked step mother? HELP!

This post has been edited by TWQadmin: 07 January 2026 - 11:19 AM

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Royaltee,

If this is an informal wedding, you do not need to seat people as special. This could solve your problem. But, if you are seating people, then your mother should be seated as special as she raised you. You could seat your aunt directly before your future mother in law though.

If your mother and her sister were on speaking terms, the best place to seat your aunt would be in the first row next to your mother. But, they don't. So the second row would be best. We place divorced father's in the third row.

If you and your mother are not on speaking terms, then you don't have to seat her as special. But, it will be noticed and it would be hurtful. This really isn't the time to try to even any scores, but to be respectful and be a good host. So, you wouldn't want to do anything that would make your guests uncomfortable.

Perhaps you could talk to your aunt and let her know about traditional seating and how you would do it differently. You could also include a special, unique dance at the reception that honors your aunt.

Best wishes,