[shortengagement]

My fiancé and I are from different countries and are getting married after 3 months of being engaged (we're doing it sooner than we wanted to avoid a long, long-distance relationship). We've determined that the easiest and quickest way to get married would be to have a civil ceremony in France (where he is from). Unfortunately, no one in my family will be able to attend on such a short notice. For that reason and because I still want to have my ideal, beach-setting wedding, we are planning to have a religious ceremony in the Caribbean one year from our anniversary, as well as an informal reception for my family (back in the States) a week after our civil ceremony.

Would it be appropriate to send a wedding announcement after our civil ceremony along with an invite to the reception and a save-the-date card for the destination wedding (religious ceremony)? I'm thinking it would be too soon to send the save-the-date card, but I'm not sure.

Thanks for your help!

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Short,

From what I have read, it is common in France to have a civil (legal) ceremony before the family ceremony due to the laws there. What you are planning still wouldn't be appropriate if you hosted it there. The family ceremony is usually held very soon after the legal ceremony. It definitely wouldn't be viewed appropriate here either.

The religious ceremony is supposed to be held because you want your marriage blessed or recognized by your church and is usually small with mainly family in attendance. It isn't held to have the wedding you feel you should have had.

You are marrying for valid reasons in the fashion you choose. It is a choice. It is also a choice to wait to have the ceremony you wish to have in the first place. So, choose one or the other.

You may host a vow renewal for your wedding anniversary. This is not a wedding and guests are not obligated to give gifts, as it is not a gift giving event. It is usually not a formal event either. Please read more about vow renewal etiquette so as not to embarrass anyone, because if it is planned poorly it can appear rather silly (for lack of a better description).

You could send reception invitations to those you wish to attend it. Announcements are sent to those who need to know about your wedding and are not invited to your reception. These are sent after your wedding.

You could send save the dates to your vow renewal six months before the date of the event. Please note that many may not want to attend knowing that you have only been married for a year, especially since you want a destination event. Actually, vow renewals are typically held and viewed more positively for bench mark anniversaries.

Best wishes,