[girlonthego]

About a year ago I agreed to be the MOH in my best friend's wedding. It's a destination affair, at an all-inclusive, pricey resort. Without knowing the proper etiquette, I (and the other attendants) agreed to pay for our entire lodging (falling for their line "oh, it will be a nice vacation for you as well").

After reading your site, I have since learned that as an attendant, the couple should pay 2 nights of my lodging. I feel this is a moot point now, since I have already paid for my accommodations, but sometimes I get the feeling that I should let my friend know what the proper etiquette is, even if she didn't follow it.

I want to tell her (not because I want her to pay, because I know she won't, and cannot afford to) for two reasons:
1) She seems very concerned with etiquette and would not allow gift registry information to be on the shower invitations (but has pressured me to spread the word about the registry, unsolicited of course. I guess it's okay for me to be rude, but not her). She also presumed that I'd be throwing her a shower and her constant asking about it was the catalyst for me to actually plan it. (I have also since learned that this is optional, and not necessarily something the MOH absolutely must host).
2) Her fiance, in the past, has gotten on my case about the extravagant things I spend my hard-earned money on (e.g. my $800 birthday party; he was appalled that I spent that much and did not ask my friends to chip in. However I wanted the party, so I paid for it; I wouldn't dare ask my guests to pitch in, and he was one of my invited guests!)

My question is, how should I go about tactfully mentioning that she is not, in fact, following destination wedding etiquette, without actually asking her to follow it?

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Buy her a couple of really good wedding etiquette books and have them mailed to her anonymously. [:)]

[Weddings by Shayna]

My suggestion is that you allow that she made a mistake, don't blame her for something her fiance did in the past, and try to move on and enjoy your friend's wedding day. I imagine that she's not actually plotting to anger you and has made some unfortunate misteps - that stinks, but perfect friends don't exist and weddings are tough events that normal people don't plan every day.

It's annoying and inconvenient. Put some checks in the column that allows you to make mistakes in the future, and spare her the embarrassment. You'll be giving the most gracious gift possible.

[Etiquette Now]

Wow! I couldn't have given better advice. So, I'll just say ditto!