[maf318]

A friend just changed her wedding plans--it was in-town and involved family and friends. It is now a destination wedding where no family or friends are invited. She requested that all wedding parties and showers continue as planned, but due to a financial burden and an inconvenient location and date for the bachelorette party, we are thinking of scaling it back and moving it locally. Are we supposed to continue throwing full-scale showers and parties for someone not having a wedding and to one which nobody is invited? And, if not, how do we politely tell her we would like to scale some things back.

Thanks!

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Maf,

All of these parties are optional. So she can want them, but no one is obligated to host them. But, the huge elephant in the room is that only those invited to the wedding may be invited to any prewedding party. It just isn't polite. It is like saying, "I want your multiple gifts, but you are not good enough to be invited to my wedding."

I say, "Just say no." You can direct her here or to any etiquette book.

Best wishes,