[matoho]

I am the Matron of Honor at my sister-in-laws wedding in September in Northern Ireland. One of the bridesmaids has already planned the bachelorette party with the other bridesmaids, they have all bought their plane tickets and costs for the resort, which are all non refundable. I wont be arriving in the country until the weekend after they have it planned. I made sure to take off three weeks from work to go there and be able to give her a bachelorette party, and help out with all the final wedding preparations. I have never met this other bridesmaid and I have very sore feelings towards her. The bride was clueless that I wasnt invited until she started telling me how excited she was about it, unknowing to the fact that I didnt even know about it. Now the bride feels awful and doesnt know what to do. I can't ask these girls to fly over again for another bachelorette party. I am angry that this has happened and really need advice on what to do... please help.

[Etiquette Now]

Dear Matoho,

This is unfortunate. At this point it may be best to let this go, even though it hurts. Nothing can be done about it, as the plans can't be changed. So, perhaps your sister and you can do something special together, just the two of you--even just a nice lunch.

Some people just get caught up in the moment and don't consider all factors or the feelings of everyone involved. Even though this is true, we can try to do just that.

Your sister's feelings are very important right now. She must be feeling very guilty and sad that you won't be there. It won't be easy for you, as it wouldn't for most of us, but it would be best to at least appear as if this won't be an issue going forward.

Best wishes,