[owlsoldier]

I've searched this site, and others, but I have not found the answers I need. I understand that we're married already and can't have another wedding, but if we do a vow renewal can she still wear a wedding dress? What are our limits in all other areas of a normal wedding since we've been married by a Justice of the Peace? If she really has her heart set on a wedding, should we think about an annulment and then do it over, the right way? I hate to think I took away her special day because I didn't know.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

We have answered this question, more times than I can count. Plus, there is an entire page on vow renewal etiquette and second weddings. Your choice was unfortunate, but you are already married and have been living together as man and wife so having a wedding doesn't make sense. An annulment is only provided to couples who meet certain criteria which you will not meet if you're honest about why you want an annulment. Your reason for annulment cannot be because your wife wants to walk down the aisle in a wedding dress.

You don't say when you were married, but traditionally, vow renewals are held for benchmark anniversaries or at a pivotal point in a relationship such as a death of a child or a period of estrangement. If you do host a vow renewal please keep that thought in mind, visit the page on vow renewal etiquette and know that, while your wife can certainly select a beautiful dress for a vow renewal, it shouldn't be a wedding dress.

Your situation is the reason we try to counsel couples to wait, and not to get married by a JP just to get a tax return, place to live or insurance. I'm not suggesting that those were your reasons, though. But, we are left to deal with the repercussions of our choices. The bottom line is that you've asked us what is appropriate, but you can certainly host whatever event you like, wearing whatever sort of attire you like. After all, there are no etiquette police. But, it's nice to consider the feelings of our guests, caring about how we are being perceived. And, when we host what appears to be a gift giving event, when it's really not, then it appears as though we're just trying to get gifts. Again, I'm not suggesting that is what is in your heart, only that is how it is typically perceived.

God bless you both as you make your decisions in the future.

[Etiquette Now]

Great answer and advice. I couldn't agree more.

And please do not think that you "took" anything away from her. She chose too. This is what a good marriage is--you make the decisions together. And, this should be the focus, your happy marriage, not a ceremony that can't ever be absolutely perfect.

[DennyandKay]

Since you don't say whether you're Catholic or not, we'll go on the assumption that at least one of you is. As Catholics, you have chosen to marry outside the Church. In this case, even though you are legally married, you are not sacramentally married in the eyes of the Church.

Please speak with your local priest about having a marriage convalidation ceremony. This is a short ceremony where you repeat your wedding vows in the presence of a priest. You may also have a best man and a maid or matron of honor. Although an expensive wedding dress is not really appropriate, there are lovely garments to be found in better dress shops. A small celebration after the ceremony is quite proper, since you are celebrating being married in the eyes of the Church.

Along with the advice of the site administrator, we hope this helps. It is considerate and loving of you to want to give your bride her special day and marriage convalidation may be the ticket.

May God bless and guide you.

This post has been edited by TWQadmin: 05 August 2025 - 09:35 AM