[emfisher]

Please advise: My dearest friend, who has been married before, has gotten engaged to a wonderful man. She asked me to be her maid of honor, to which I was happy to say yes! Then, about a week later, she informed me that they have been married for about 6 months, so their wedding will be a year and 6 months after they actually got married. She is planning a huge, white wedding, with the gown and everything. Her family lives in Illinois and the wedding is in Arizona. Yet, she still expects all to realize this as her one and only wedding. I have yet to say anything about etiquette, assuming that is not my place. However, she now expects me to take time off work to try on bridesmaid dresses and although we discussed a budget, all dresses on her list far exceed that budget. How do I politely talk about this with her? Her sister has been removed from the wedding when she tried to mention it. As I am on a tight budget and informed her before she picked out dresses that I am unable to travel home for Christmas due to finances, I am having harsh feelings towards my friend for being so inconsiderate. Once again, this is her second wedding, and she was already married in the church to this man. Please tell me how I discuss with her both my feelings of being "abused" and also etiquette.

[Wedding Queen and MOG]

Thank you for posting your feelings. We get a lot of flack from "brides" like this who see no problem with what they;re doing and cannot see how it affects anyone, but them.

Just say no! I would stick with the truth and tell her how you feel. If enough people tell her the truth, maybe she will get it.

[Etiquette Now]

Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Sometimes it seems like we are the only ones who "get" why this is so negative and not polite. But, I'm sorry this is happening to you. It has to be difficult when you know what is right and yet feel as if you have to be quiet about it.

I agree that it may be best to just speak up. You could mention that you have been reading about what is proper and found that it is viewed very negatively for wives and husbands to pretend to be bride and groom. This is how it is viewed. There is no way around that perception. Socially inept is also a term I have heard used when describing it. Your friend probably does not want to be viewed in that light. I know I wouldn't. [shocked]